Unmasking Mum

My ADHD Hack for Accountability - I hate spreadsheets but this works

This week I wanted to follow on from last weeks chat on not being lazy and how to get motivated. I started getting all the specifics about how our ADHD brains work but I thought anyone can go look that up on Ai and that sharing what is helping me to stay accountable in my productivity would be much more fun.

I have always done lots of things, picked things up and then stopped, I held a lot of shame over it for years, until I realised that I was ADHD and that’s what ADHDers do. But still even when I knew I attempted to follow the rule of you “need” to focus on one thing to be successful and then I ended up doing nothing. I come to the conclusion that I am an all or nothing type of girl.

So I created a system that works for me. In this episode I share how I work on all my different projects from volunteering to writing and everything in between. 

If you want a template to give it a go send me a message and I’ll ping you a link.

This week on the podcast, I’m talking about the little things that help me manage ADHD and make everyday life feel more doable. From swimming and calendar reminders to subscription deliveries and accountability check-ins, these are the tools that work for me—without the pressure to do everything perfectly.I’m learning to build a life that works with my brain, not against it. What’s one thing that helps you get through the week?

Whether you’re just getting started on your unmasking journey or you’re well on your way, use these 3 steps to take off the mask and reveal who you truly are.

It isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, unmasking can be a hard task, but these 3 steps will get you closer to being the person you truly are or have always desired to be.

Join your host Ana Bonasera as she gives real life examples of how these 3 steps have helped her on her journey and number 3 is her favourite one.

Share on socials, follow along or pop Ana a DM to share your revelations with her.

Last week I went to see Hilary Duff in concert, “This is what dreams are made of” I hope you sang that. It was an incredible experience because I always felt weird growing up, no one liked what I liked. I never had a friend who had similar interests.

Friends would watch Eastenders and I’m a Celeb, at breaks and lunch times I’d feel lost because I had no clue what they were talking about. I started watching what they liked just so I could join in with conversations.

I know now that’s masking and being in a room where I don’t have to hide what I love or who I am, is the best feeling.

And I’m going to do that again in November at the Weird AF Awards, I’m a sponsor and you should be there. 

Listen to the full episode to hear the secret my dad took to the grace but I’m spilling - its funny (or maybe cringe) trust me you’re going to want to listen!!

"Staying calm when your child is exploding is the hardest thing I've had to learn to do."

I'm back after a few weeks break thanks to no childcare and a whole lot of meltdowns. To be honest, I didn't want to show up this week either, because this transition from summer to school is hard and the drop off left me in floods of tears. But I wanted to be real and show you the bad stuff as well as the good stuff.

In todays episode I ramble about the challenging times we are facing as a family and how my ADHD makes it even harder to manage.

Plus I talk about goals, dreams and wishing my brain didn't always have these big ideas, but how I'm starting to manage it with a new system.

Thanks for listening and please do share with friends, on social and follow along to never miss a rant.

With love & gratitude,

Ana xo

I just came back from my first experience of Womanifest, after years of watching from the side lines and thinking that I’d never be able to go back to doing events like that, here’s a summary of how it made me feel and a very important lesson I learnt that you’re going to want to hear!

Have you ever looked at someone and thought "wow they're a confident person I wish I could be like that" let me tell you that beneath the confidence that is projected that person will still worry about the same things you do too.

They've just worked hard at unmasking their confidence and you can do this too!

Join me as I share my journey and how I unearthed what was holding me back and help you to understand why you're still playing small.

I went to see Harry Styles at the weekend and it was incredible, the atmosphere, the people, the vibe, the effects, the crowd singing, it was all amazing but on the run up I had 5 moments were FOPO crept in and no. 5 almost stopped me from doing what I wanted and left me walking away filled with disappointment.

Listen to todays episode and what I did to work around it and see how I faced my FOPO.

I'd love to hear from you how FOPO shows up for you!

No concept of time. Doom boxes in every corner. Emotions that match your kids' meltdowns. Energy gone by 10am. And don't even get me started on school admin (5 kids, 4 schools and they keep changing the bloody apps).

If you're late diagnosed, you've probably spent years thinking you were just a "bad mum" lazy, disorganised, all the labels. You weren't. Your brain just works differently and nobody told you.

New episode of Unmasking Mum is live now. Come feel seen.

Tell me, what did I miss? What's YOUR sucky thing about being an ADHD mum?

In this heartfelt episode of Unmasking Mum, Ana Bonasera opens up about her daily struggles and the pervasive fear of other's opinions,FOPO, that many parents, especially those with neurodivergent children, experience.

She shares raw insights into her personal journey, highlighting the importance of honesty and finding pockets of happiness amid overwhelming circumstances.

In this week’s episode of Unmasking Mum, Ana explores the impact of FOPO...Fear of Other People’s Opinions and how it can quietly prevent people from pursuing opportunities, achieving goals, and showing up authentically in their personal and professional lives.

The episode also dives into the connection between FOPO and RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria), highlighting how perceived criticism, rejection or judgement can become overwhelming for many neurodivergent individuals.

Through relatable everyday examples, from overanalysing text messages to avoiding visibility on social media due to fear of judgement, Ana unpacks the mental load that comes with constantly worrying about what others may think.

This conversation offers insight, validation and practical encouragement for anyone who feels held back by self-doubt, fear of criticism or the pressure to be accepted by others.

Stop talking and start doing by Shaa Wusmand

https://amzn.eu/d/0iUWTlag

This episode is raw, honest and very real.

Because let’s be honest…when you’re juggling children, running a business, managing a home and dealing with your own health…happiness can feel very far away.

But I’ve been learning something important:
Happiness isn’t always a big, life-changing moment…it’s often found in the small, intentional ones.

• In this episode of Unmasking Mum, I share:
• How gratitude can shift your perspective (even on the hardest days)
• Why learning what actually makes you happy matters
• Finding joy in the simplest of things
• How to find pockets of calm in the chaos

This isn’t about pretending everything is okay.
It’s about finding light within the hard.

If life feels heavy right now, this one is for you.

🎧 Listen now & tell me…what’s one small thing that’s brought you joy lately?

In this podcast, I’m sharing a very real and honest look at my journey over the past few years from running a successful business and doing all the things, to burnout, grief, losing my dad and slowly finding my way back to myself.

This isn’t polished. It’s not perfect. It’s real life.

I talk about:

• The pressure of doing everything alone in my business
• Burnout and the impact of lockdown on family life
• Losing my dad suddenly and how that changed me forever
• Navigating grief while parenting neurodivergent children
• Being trolled online and how it affected my confidence
• Why I stepped back from Facebook (even after growing to 10k followers)
• Slowly rebuilding my confidence and showing up again
• The importance of reflecting on how far you’ve come

If you’re an ADHD mum, a parent carer or someone who feels like they’ve lost themselves along the way, this is for you.

Keep the conversation going and join me on social media

@unmaskingmum

@mumsguidetoadhd

@anabonasera

Prioritising my own ADHD journey over my children's might seem selfish, but in my experience its only benefitted my children.

I now have the ability to understand how our brains work and am able to lead the way.

Its helped me to see life through their eyes, reframe why they struggle with certain things and help them find solutions to their challenges.

Take a listen to the break throughs I've had with my children and see if you agree that having ADHD gives you an advantage in parenting.

In this episode, Ana shares a deeply honest reflection on what it really looks like to build a “dream life” while still living in the middle of chaos. As a mum navigating the realities of raising children with additional needs, life has often felt overwhelming, but a powerful shift in perspective made her realise something surprising: she was already living parts of the life she once dreamed about.

Drawing on her experience during her advanced ADHD coaching accreditation, Ana explores the practice of visualisation, what it is, why it works and how it can gently reshape the way we experience our everyday lives. From imagining future calm to recognising present progress, she breaks down how this simple but often overlooked tool can be trained like a muscle.

This episode is also an invitation to pause. To notice how far you’ve already come, even if there are no obvious “before and after” markers. To question how you measure success in a life that doesn’t always fit traditional expectations. And to reconnect with small, meaningful moments, whether that’s a peaceful walk, shared laughter or a calm family dinner.

With warmth and realism, Ana guides listeners through a short visualisation exercise, encouraging them to picture moments of connection and joy in their own lives and to stay curious about what unfolds next.

Because maybe the life you want isn’t as far away as it feels.

In this episode, Ana shares a raw and emotional experience that sparked both anger and self-reflection after hearing outdated and harmful language used casually in front of children. She opens up about the internal battle that followed, from spiralling thoughts and self-doubt to grounding herself in what she truly believes.

Ana explores what it really means to stand firm in your values, especially when you don’t say something in the moment, and how confidence is built through alignment with your morals rather than other people’s opinions. This episode is a powerful reminder that you can’t control what others say, but you can choose what you stand for, and refuse to be silenced.

This episode explores the concept of delayed gratification, especially in the context of ADHD. Ana Bonasera shares personal insights and practical tips on how to understand and overcome challenges related to motivation, rewards, and goal achievement.

Takeaways

• Understanding delayed gratification helps manage ADHD challenges.
• Breaking goals into small steps increases motivation.
• Instant rewards can boost confidence and progress.
• Self-compassion is key when facing setbacks.

In this episode, Ana Bonasera explores the nature of confidence, why we care about others' opinions, and how to flip the script on negative self-talk. She shares personal insights and practical tips to boost self-esteem, especially for those with ADHD and neurodivergent traits.

Takeaways

• Confidence is not an all-or-nothing trait; it varies across different areas of life.
• Practicing kindness and understanding towards ourselves can help rebuild confidence.
• Flipping the script on negative thoughts can be as simple as asking, 'What if the opposite is true?'
• People's negative comments often say more about them than about us.

Ana Bonasera shares insights from a recent workshop ran by BOB ICB* on plans for ADHD provision, highlighting upcoming initiatives to improve diagnosis, support and community engagement for the ADHD community.

Key topics

• ADHD diagnosis gaps and statistics in Oxfordshire
• New support structures including online and in-person groups
• Development of a comprehensive ADHD resource website and app
• Community-led peer support models
• Long-term vision for ADHD care and support

ADHD Women of Oxfordshire Network - https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdwomenoxfordshire

*Buckinghamshire, Oxfordshire and West Berkshire Integrated Care Board

Ana Bonasera shares her personal journey of building confidence, especially around body image, through various life experiences, challenges and achievements.

She discusses the impact of ADHD hyperfocus, self-love and community support on her confidence development.

Key topics

• Body image and confidence journey
• Impact of motherhood and single parenting
• Role of hyperfocus and community in personal growth

In this episode of Unmasking Mum, host Ana Bonasera explores the concept of black and white thinking, particularly in the context of ADHD and parenting. She discusses the challenges of shifting from negative to positive self-perceptions and introduces the idea of a 'grey area' as a more balanced perspective.

Through relatable examples, Ana emphasises the importance of self-reflection, emotional regulation, and finding a middle ground in various aspects of life, including productivity and parenting. The episode concludes with a reminder that every day is a learning experience and encourages listeners to embrace their journey with ADHD.

Takeaways

• Black and white thinking can lead to negative self-perceptions.
• Finding a grey area helps in balancing thoughts.
• Self-reflection is crucial for emotional regulation.
• Parenting involves continuous learning and adaptation.
• It's okay to acknowledge challenges without spiraling into negativity.
• ADHD can feel debilitating, but it can also be managed.
• Emotions can be impulsive, and that's part of the journey.
• Every day presents new opportunities for growth.
• Creating affirmations can help shift mindset.
• It's important to recognise that not every day is perfect.

In this episode of Unmasking Mum, Ana Bonasera discusses the challenges of maintaining routines, particularly for those with ADHD. She shares her personal experiences with routines, emotional dysregulation, and the importance of understanding one's own brain. Ana emphasises the need for practical strategies to create effective routines, especially in the context of parenting and managing daily tasks. The conversation explores the concept of inflow theory and how it can help in establishing smoother routines.

Takeaways:

• Routine is often seen as a struggle for many, especially those with ADHD.
• Understanding ADHD can help in managing expectations around routines.
• The need for dopamine makes routine tasks feel boring and unmotivating.
• Small, incremental changes to routines can lead to sustainable habits.
• Morning routines can be particularly challenging for parents with multiple children.
• Creating a vision for future self can motivate routine changes.
• Burnout can be a significant trigger for reevaluating routines.
• Inflow theory suggests maintaining a flow in tasks to reduce overwhelm.
• Habit stacking can be an effective strategy for managing routines.
• It's important to reflect on personal struggles and adapt routines accordingly.

In this episode Ana Bonasera discusses the importance of reasonable adjustments for children with ADHD and other special educational needs. She highlights the recent pause in the ADHD pathway in Oxfordshire and emphasizes that support can be provided even without a formal diagnosis. The conversation covers various adjustments schools can implement to support learning, sensory needs, emotional regulation, and communication, ultimately advocating for a more inclusive educational environment.

Takeaways

• Reasonable adjustments are based on needs, not diagnoses.
• Schools can provide support even without a formal diagnosis.
• Visual aids and clear instructions can significantly help children with ADHD.
• Movement breaks can benefit all children, not just those with special needs.
• Emotional regulation strategies should be integrated into the school day.
• Communication should be simple and direct to aid understanding.
• Involving children in decisions about their support is crucial.
• All behavior is a form of communication that needs to be understood.
• Adjustments made for neurodivergent children can benefit the entire class.
• Parents must advocate for their children's needs in educational settings.

Ordinarily Available Provision

https://schools.oxfordshire.gov.uk/sites/default/files/2024-10/OrdinarilyAvailableSENDProvision.pdf

In this episode of Unmasking Mum, host Ana Bonasera shares her personal journey navigating ADHD and autism within her family. With five children, four of whom are neurodivergent, Ana discusses the challenges and insights gained from her experiences, including the Right to Choose pathway for assessments and the importance of understanding neurodivergence. She emphasises the need for support and the impact of mental health on both parents and children, advocating for open conversations about these topics.

Takeaways

• Ana has five children, four of whom are neurodivergent.
• She initially misinterpreted her son's anxiety as typical childhood behaviour.
• The importance of trusting one's gut instinct in parenting decisions.
• Ana's journey through the Right to Choose pathway for assessments.
• The long waiting times for ADHD and autism assessments can be frustrating.
• She emphasises the need for better communication from schools regarding children's needs.
• Ana reflects on the stigma surrounding ADHD and autism diagnoses.
• Understanding neurodivergence has helped Ana support her children better.
• She encourages parents to prioritise their own mental health alongside their children's.
• Ana advocates for open discussions about neurodivergence within families.

In this episode of Unmasking Mum, Ana Bonasera shares her personal journey of overcoming burnout and reconnecting with her spirituality. She discusses the importance of gratitude, the concept of the 'bare minimum effect' and how lowering expectations has helped her navigate challenging times.

Ana emphasises the significance of community support, self-care and enjoyable movement, while also highlighting the power of affirmations and visualisation techniques. She encourages listeners to reach out for help and reminds them that they are not alone in their struggles.

Takeaways

• Ana shares her journey of overcoming burnout.
• Reconnecting with spirituality has been crucial for her.
• Gratitude plays a significant role in her recovery.
• The 'bare minimum effect' helps manage daily tasks.
• Lowering expectations has been a key strategy.
• Asking for help has relieved some of her burdens.
• Movement and enjoyable exercise are essential for her well-being.

In this heartfelt episode of "Unmasking Mum," Ana Bonasera opens up about her struggles with burnout and the overwhelming challenges of motherhood. She candidly shares her feelings of exhaustion, the pressure to meet everyone's needs, and the emotional toll of balancing family responsibilities. Ana reflects on her personal experiences, including the impact of her father's passing and the difficulties of managing her children's needs. Through her vulnerability, she hopes to connect with listeners who may be experiencing similar feelings and encourages them to acknowledge their own needs and seek support.

Takeaways

• Burnout can manifest as a lack of ability to bounce back.
• Acknowledging personal struggles can be a step towards healing.
• Balancing family responsibilities can be overwhelming.
• The loss of a loved one can have a lasting emotional impact.
• It's important to recognise and address mental health needs.
• Seeking support from others can be beneficial.
• Setting boundaries can help prevent burnout.
• Vulnerability can foster connection with others.
• Taking time for self-care is crucial.
• Sharing personal experiences can help others feel less alone.

In this episode of Unmasking Mum, host Ana Bonasera shares her personal experiences and practical hacks for managing ADHD as a parent. She emphasises the importance of finding systems that work for neurodivergent brains and provides 10 actionable strategies that have made a significant difference in her daily life. From organising household items to managing schedules and expectations, Ana offers insights that resonate with many parents navigating similar challenges.

Takeaways

• ADHD requires personalised systems that cater to individual needs.
• Small changes can lead to significant improvements in daily life.
• Establishing homes for items reduces clutter and confusion.
• Protein-rich breakfasts can enhance focus and motivation.
• Having duplicates of essential items simplifies daily routines.
• A structured washing system can alleviate laundry stress.
• Visual schedules help keep track of family activities and reduce anxiety.
• Using a digital calendar can prevent missed appointments.
• Asking what your future self would appreciate can motivate better habits.
• Lowering expectations can lead to more achievable goals.

In this episode of Unmasking Mum, Ana Bonasera discusses the challenges faced by ADHD parents during the back to school transition, the emotional toll of the holiday season and the importance of setting boundaries and lowering expectations for the new year. She emphasises the need for emotional regulation and self-care, encouraging listeners to take it slow and celebrate small wins.

Takeaways

• The back to school transition can be overwhelming for ADHD parents.
• Routine is essential for emotional regulation, despite a dislike for it.
• Emotional hangovers from the holidays can affect mental health.
• Parents often prioritise their children's needs over their own.
• Finding an emotional outlet is crucial for managing stress.
• Setting boundaries is important to avoid burnout.
• Lowering expectations can lead to more achievable goals.
• The bare minimum effect allows for small wins without pressure.
• Taking time for self-care is essential for well-being.
• Celebrating small achievements can boost motivation.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Unmasking Mum Podcast

05:11 Emotional Hangover from the Holidays

09:17 Setting Boundaries and Self-Care in January

13:50 Lowering Expectations for the New Year

17:34 Embracing the Bare Minimum Effect

In this episode of Unmasking Mum, I share my own journey of realising I’m ADHD and gently walk through five of the most common traits we see in ADHD mothers: emotional dysregulation, executive functioning challenges, time blindness, sensory overload and forgetfulness.

I explain how these traits show up in everyday mum life, from feeling overwhelmed and emotionally reactive, to struggling with time, routines and the mental load of parenting. I also connect these experiences back to the DSM-5 criteria, helping you understand that these challenges aren’t personal failings, but part of how an ADHD brain works.

This episode is about awareness, self-compassion and recognising yourself without judgement, so you can begin to support yourself more kindly, both as a parent and as a person.

Takeaways

• Emotional dysregulation can make feelings intense and fast-moving.
• Executive functioning challenges impact planning, organisation and follow-through.
• Time blindness can make everyday tasks feel harder to manage.
• Sensory overload is a real and exhausting part of ADHD mum life.
• Forgetfulness adds to the already heavy mental load of motherhood.
• Understanding ADHD traits through the DSM-5 can bring clarity and validation.
• ADHD mums often face unique pressures and expectations.
• Support systems and simple routines can help ease daily challenges.
• Self-acceptance is a powerful part of living well with ADHD
• Talking openly about emotions helps children feel understood too.

Sound Bites

• “I realised I was ADHD around four years ago, and suddenly so much made sense.”
• “The mental load of motherhood is heavy, ADHD just adds another layer.”
• “These aren’t flaws; they’re traits of an ADHD brain.”
• “Understanding yourself changes how you parent.”

Chapters

00:00 Welcome & My ADHD Realisation 

08:34 Five Common ADHD Traits in Mothers 

25:55 How These Traits Link to the DSM-5

In this episode of Unmasking Mum, I’m joined by Holly Matthews for a deeply honest and compassionate conversation about ADHD, neurodivergence and the ongoing journey of unmasking who we really are. We talk about what it’s like to grow up not knowing why you feel different and how late understanding of ADHD can bring both clarity and grief.

Together, we explore how grief can reshape you, how embracing your “weirdness” is actually a pathway to authenticity and why self-acceptance is a practice, not a destination. We also dive into the realities of motherhood and running a business with a neurodivergent brain, especially during overwhelming seasons like Christmas.

This episode is a gentle reminder that you don’t need to do life perfectly to be doing it well. Lowering expectations, creating support around you and allowing yourself to be fully you can make all the difference.

Takeaways

• Many of us grew up feeling different before ADHD was widely understood.

• Unmasking is part of the self-discovery journey — and it can be both freeing and emotional.

• Grief often opens the door to deep personal growth and change.

• Your “weirdness” is not something to fix — it’s part of your authenticity.

• Neurodivergent mums and business owners face unique pressures, especially around productivity.

• Lowering expectations can make Christmas (and life) feel more manageable.

• Joy can still exist in the chaos of motherhood.

• Self-acceptance is ongoing — and that’s okay.

• Supportive environments help neurodivergent people thrive.

• Having coping strategies matters, especially during overwhelming seasons.

Chapters

00:00 — Welcome to Unmasking Mum
05:35 — Understanding ADHD & Neurodivergence
10:34 — Self-Discovery, Late Understanding & Grief
20:08 — Unmasking & Embracing Authenticity
30:05 — Business, Motherhood & the Neurodivergent Brain
33:53 — Coping With Christmas Overwhelm

Links

Christmas guide and prep

https://the-happy-me-project.kit.com/828c358f76

Christmas Bingo

https://the-happy-me-project.kit.com/1b190362e4

In this episode, I discuss the three different pathways to getting a diagnosis and speak directly to anyone who has ever felt dismissed, unheard or made to doubt themselves when seeking support from healthcare professionals. I talk about the importance of trusting yourself, advocating for your needs, and remembering that you have every right to ask questions, seek answers and pursue a diagnosis.

We explore the reality that the healthcare system doesn’t always get it right, especially for women and neurodivergent people and why it’s okay to push back, seek second opinions and choose providers who truly listen.

This conversation is about reclaiming your voice, standing in your truth and knowing that your experiences are valid. Your health is your life and you deserve care that reflects that.

Please note since I've recorded this there have been some areas who have closed the right to choose pathway and your best to check the ADHD UK website (linked below) to find out about your local area.

Sound bites:

You are allowed to seek a diagnosis if you feel something isn’t right.

• Being dismissed doesn’t mean you’re wrong, it means you may need different support.
• Self-advocacy is not being difficult; it’s being informed and empowered.
• You can change providers if you’re not being heard.
• Your struggles are real and worthy of acknowledgement.
• Your health decisions belong to you.
• This is your life, not theirs.
• You are not asking for too much.
• You know your body better than anyone else.
• Being heard is a right, not a privilege.
• Advocating for yourself can feel hard, but it matters.

Links

https://adhduk.co.uk/right-to-choose/

Screening tool: https://adhduk.co.uk/adult-adhd-screening-survey/

In this episode, I open up about the real-life struggle so many of us ADHD mums face, being full of creativity, passion and purpose… but not always having the executive functioning skills to actually finish the projects we’re excited about.

I talk about my own journey of searching for kinder, more sustainable strategies to help me move from “big idea energy” to completion, without burning out or beating myself up along the way.

Some days it clicks, some days it absolutely doesn’t and honestly, that’s just life with an ADHD brain. But together, we can learn to work with our brains, not against them and celebrate every messy, colourful step in between.

✨ Takeaways 

• ADHD mums are incredibly creative, passionate, purpose-driven people.
• Our executive functioning doesn’t always keep up with our ideas and that’s okay.
• Strategies, support and self kindness can help us actually finish the work we care about.
• Some projects flow; some don’t, that’s part of being human, not a failure.
• You’re not alone in the ups and downs of getting things done with an ADHD brain.

🎙️ Sound Bites 

• “We’re bursting with creativity, it’s the finishing part that can feel like climbing Everest.”
• “It’s not a lack of passion. It’s a need for support, strategy, and kindness toward ourselves.”
• “Some days the strategies land, and some days they don’t and that’s okay.”
• “We can learn to work with our brains, not against them.”
• “Completion doesn’t have to be perfect it just has to be possible.”

📚 Chapters

00:00: Welcome to Unmasking Mum
00:28: Creativity, Executive Function, and the Art of Finishing Projects
Closing: What’s Coming Next on the Podcast