"THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPENED - BEDTIME STORIES FOR ADULTS WHO NEED THERAPY" ™️

In tonight's episode, we meet AURIN [Aura + Origin] -- a mythical entity trapped in the ultimate cosmic loop, doomed to experience every single life of everyone they've ever crossed paths with.

Stay until the end to discover how this endless, confusing existence unravels. Whether your day was remarkable or best left behind, settle in, unwind, and let your mind drift. Enjoy tonight's tale and sleep well.

The Grindicorn of Productivity Valley is an absurd bedtime story about Bernard, a magnificent, overworked Grindicorn who lives in the kingdom of Productivity Valley and spends his days tirelessly serving his demanding owner, the pompous and thoroughly unpleasant Lord Maximus.

Despite Bernard’s loyalty and endless labor, Lord Maximus provides little in return. Bernard’s stable is neglected, his needs are ignored, and somehow he is always expected to do more. But one peculiar morning, Bernard simply stops working.

Nothing is wrong with him. He isn’t sick. He isn’t injured. He hasn’t lost his magic.

He’s just tired of being mistreated.

As Lord Maximus becomes increasingly outraged that his most dependable worker has suddenly stopped performing, Bernard quietly discovers something his lord never expected: sometimes the most powerful thing an overworked creature can do is absolutely nothing.

A whimsical, ridiculous tale about a terrible boss, burnout, boundaries, and the moment a loyal worker realizes that being useful doesn’t mean being used.

Things That Never Happened — Bedtime Stories for Adults Who Need Therapy. Narrated by NOVA.

**Things That Never Happened: Bedtime Stories for Adults Who Need Therapy**

Is a delightfully ridiculous podcast filled with exaggerated tales, questionable life choices, accidental wisdom, and characters who absolutely should not be left unsupervised. Narrated by Nova, these lighthearted stories are meant to entertain, not be taken too seriously, because frankly, neither does she. Expect bloopers, mistakes, random tangents, and all the beautifully imperfect moments that make storytelling feel human. So pour yourself a drink, grab a snack, dim the lights, close your eyes, and let the stories carry you somewhere strange, silly, and surprisingly familiar. After all, none of this ever happened... probably. 

**Things That Never Happened: Bedtime Stories for Adults Who Need Therapy** is a delightfully ridiculous podcast filled with exaggerated tales, questionable life choices, accidental wisdom, and characters who absolutely should not be left unsupervised. Narrated by Nova, these lighthearted stories are meant to entertain, not be taken too seriously, because frankly, neither does she. Expect bloopers, mistakes, random tangents, and all the beautifully imperfect moments that make storytelling feel human. So pour yourself a drink, grab a snack, dim the lights, close your eyes, and let the stories carry you somewhere strange, silly, and surprisingly familiar. After all, none of this ever happened... probably. 😉✨🎙️📖

How triplets became the Mayors of the Moon... -Narrated by Nova

Kharma worries that no one likes her... -NOVA

THIS IS A COMMERCIAL PARODY OF A COMMERCIAL BREAK*BUT STILL A REAL COMMERCIAL PRETENDING TO BE FAKE*

Quite an interesting story indeed...

A rabbits spin off tale from Alice In Wunderland, a parody of the real thing...

Stand Out!!!!! Or, Blend In!!!! - Nova

The endangered Manasaurus Rex is on the brink of extinction... - Nova

Well... they're just.... suspiciously suspicious!!!

- Nova

Theres no description for this absurdity!

- Nova

[LIVE RECORDED EPISODE: THE HOLE THAT FIXED EVERYTHING]

Welcome to *This Never Happened*, a collection of bedtime stories for adults who need therapy... or at least a really good laugh. Each episode is a journey into the wonderfully impossible. You'll meet suspicious black holes, emotionally unavailable chameleons, portals that definitely violate several laws of physics, and other completely fabricated nonsense that absolutely, positively never happened.

These stories drift somewhere between comedy, dream logic, philosophy, and the kind of thought you have at 2:17 a.m. when you're staring at the ceiling wondering how life got so weird. Some stories are absurd. Some are oddly poetic.

Some may sound like they mean something. And maybe they do. Or maybe your brain is just connecting dots that were never meant to be connected.

Either way, you're welcome to look for hidden meanings, accidental wisdom, or metaphors disguised as ridiculous adventures. We won't stop you.

So get comfortable, silence your common sense, and prepare to wander through worlds where logic takes a personal day and imagination is left unsupervised. Just remember: none of this is true. None of it ever happened. Probably.