The OptimalWork Podcast

#320: What turns “I have to do this” into “I want to do this”—especially when the task is difficult? Kevin and Sharif explore how deeper judgment transforms an apparent loss into a worthwhile cost, and then into an opportunity to grow and serve others. From the pull of doomscrolling to the awkwardness of a difficult conversation, they show how urgency can bypass thoughtful decisions—and how reframing helps us see something worth choosing. Drawing on Aquinas’s account of prudence, they explain how to bring our highest ideals into everyday work, making the best path more attractive.

#319: Fear can make a difficulty seem insurmountable; desire can make getting what we want seem like all that matters. Kevin and Sharif explore how both can distort understanding and turn careful reasoning into rationalization. Drawing on Aquinas’s account of prudence, they connect everyday choices—from buying a car to putting off important work—to three questions that help restore perspective: Whose good is being served? What’s the hardest part? And what would real excellence look like here?

#318: How do people make good decisions without getting trapped by their first impression? Sharif and Kevin explore the first act of prudence—counsel—and why clear thinking begins with making genuine contact with reality. They unpack the role of intuition, experience, memory, and advice, while showing how anxiety and desire can turn an initial hunch into premature certainty. Kevin explains why strong intuition should be a starting point rather than a conclusion, and offers a practical question from Daniel Kahneman that can expose hidden assumptions, reopen curiosity, and help people see options they may have missed.

#317: In this episode, Sharif and Kevin explore prudence as the virtue behind good decision-making — not simply knowing what to do, but discerning what truly serves the people entrusted to us and then putting that decision into action. Drawing on Augustine’s definition of prudence as “love rightly discerning what helps or hinders the beloved,” Kevin breaks prudence into three practical movements: counsel, judgment, and command. Along the way, they examine why premature certainty, rushed solutions, and good intentions without concrete action can derail even thoughtful decisions, and offer a simple practice for identifying where one’s own decision-making tends to break down.

#316: Dr. John Gottman identifies four stages in the breakdown of a relationship: defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and ultimately contempt. Each of these reflects a deeper issue— a lack of humility. In this episode, we delve into the third stage: stonewalling. Stonewalling means putting up obstacles to forming bonds with others. While defensiveness and criticism most concern one’s attitude, stonewalling goes deeper and touches upon one’s attention. Stonewalling at its most extreme implies an inward collapse of attention, an unwillingness to attend to others.

#315: Dr. John Gottman identifies four stages in the breakdown of a relationship: defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and ultimately contempt. Each of these reflects a deeper issue— a lack of humility. In this episode, we delve into the second stage: criticism, or what we call a critical spirit. A critical spirit often arises from hyperfocusing on someone else’s flaws, conflating those flaws with their identity, and viewing them as fixed and unchangeable. It can also serve as a kind of projection—an unconscious act of attributing our own shortcomings to others. Recognizing a critical spirit within ourselves, however uncomfortable, can open the door to profound personal growth. By addressing the root of this behavior, we not only improve our relationships but also cultivate greater humility and self-awareness.

#314: Dr. John Gottman describes four stages in the breakdown of a relationship: first defensiveness, then criticism, then stonewalling, and finally contempt. Each of these is a manifestation of a lack of humility. Having laid out the big picture in our previous episode, here we do a deep dive into the first, defensiveness. We explain how it arises and how it relates to key concepts in our approach, like Reframing, Growth Mindset, and Threat Mode.

#313: In this episode of the OptimalWork Podcast, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres delve into the significance of humility in leadership and team dynamics. They explore the concept of humble leadership, the detrimental effects of pride, and the four horsemen of team dysfunction: defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and contempt. The conversation emphasizes the importance of cultivating humility as a means to foster better relationships, enhance team cohesion, and promote personal growth. The episode concludes with actionable steps for developing humility and the transformative power it holds in achieving mastery in various aspects of life.

#312: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres discuss the concept of Extreme Ownership, as introduced and developed by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin. Willink and Babin learned this concept from their time serving as Navy Seals and have gained popularity adapting it to other contexts, like business and relationships. In this conversation, Sharif and Dr. Majeres discuss the nuances of this approach, and share applications to challenges faced in various contexts, from the classroom to the boardroom.

#311: In this installment of our series on mastery, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres explore the third and final stage: the optimizing stage. The optimizing stage of mastery has deep connections to other core concepts of OptimalWork like deliberate practice, continual growth, and above all service. In the optimizing stage, we can go beyond the automaticity characteristic of the implicit stage (stage two) and develop our mastery to such a degree that we can pour our entire selves into a task. In this way, the optimizing stage of mastery is also connected to flow, the state of peak focus, when we become, as it were, fused with the present task.

#310: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres explore the second of the three phases of mastery: the implicit phase of mastery. This phase is the most dangerous, because it is where bad actions can become automatic habits, and where good habits can become plateaus. Fortunately, there are ways to avoid these pitfalls. The implicit phase of mastery is also closely connected with flow. The next episode will cover the final stage of mastery: optimizing strategies.

#309: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres delve into the concept of mastery, focusing on its explicit phase. Broadly, mastery has three forms: mastery over a technical skill, self-mastery, and mastery in the context of bonds. For all these forms, crafting a strategy (a goal plus steps) is essential to developing explicit mastery. As you develop explicit mastery, you can harness dopamine to maintain motivation by setting appropriate micro-goals to complete as you carry out your strategy.

#308: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres explore the concept of mastery, its relationship to service, and the neuroscience behind it. We can distinguish between three stages of mastery: explicit, implicit, and optimizing. Ultimately, mastery is not just about raw technical skills, but about putting these skills to the service of higher ideals and ultimately our bonds with others.

#307: Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres delve into the significance of breath in regulation attention and managing anxiety. One of the most interesting advances in the understanding of breath is the discovery of the oxygen paradox: breathing too much can actually reduce the amount of oxygen that reaches your brain. Breathing, mood, nutrition, attention, and activity are all interrelated. Understanding the relationship between breathing, oxygen, and carbon dioxide shows just how transformative proper breathing techniques can be.

#306: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres discuss the importance of learning how to self-regulate your attention. We often try to address distraction and worrying — two common obstacles relating to attention — by re-arranging our external circumstances, changing aspects of our lives. This can be helpful and even necessary at times. But to get the best results, it is also important to focus on the internals, on our own capacity to focus our attention. This capacity is like a muscle that we can strengthen over time with the right exercises.

#305: In this episode, Dr. Kevin Majeres and Sharif discuss the importance of attention for working at your best. Understanding how your attention works — especially the dynamic between task attention and default attention — can help you improve how you both rest and work. Some may think that focus is a matter of brute force and self-discipline, or of simply arranging your environment. But the understanding of attention explored here points to deeper strategies that we can use to master our attention and shape ourselves in the process.

#304: In this episode, Dr. Kevin Majeres and Sharif discuss OptimalWork's recently launched anxiety course called Overcoming Anxiety. Having the proper attitude toward anxiety is essential. Rather than thinking we must get rid of anxiety or merely cope with it, we need to see how to embrace anxiety and use it to perform at our best and live out our highest ideals. This understanding is key to shaping our actions, and also helping others to engage the challenges they face.

#303: Complaining is very tempting. When experiencing difficulty, it can seem helpful to vent our frustration. But chronic complaining can hinder the development of genuine bonds and can reinforce a negative mindset. Complaining narrows our focus and prevents us from reframing challenges as opportunities for growth. In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Majeres do a deep dive into complaining. Defending oneself or correcting injustices are not considered complaining. Real complaining — which is the futile expression of impatience — has negative effects on our brain and body, weakens our bonds with others, and prevents us from truly solving the problems we face. Instead of complaining, we can accurately assess challenges and find ways that they will bring out our best.

#302: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres discuss the concept of self-efficacy and its practical application in various examples. Self-efficacy is the brain's prediction of success right before engaging in a task. It affects motivation, resilience, and the ability to overcome challenges. The key is to shape self-efficacy by widening the context of success and identifying concrete steps to improve performance. The examples discussed include dealing with a critical boss, learning a difficult subject, and staying focused on repetitive tasks. All of these situations require reframing challenges, setting goals, and maintaining intensity. These examples should help you see more clearly how to apply these principles in your own case. They also highlight that OptimalWork’s core principles — reframing and forming strategies — are not rules or rote formulas, but require your own flexibility, ingenuity, and creativity.

#301: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres discuss the concept of self-efficacy and its relationship to mastery and confidence. Albert Bandura, a psychologist at Stanford, initiated the self-efficacy literature. He developed ways to help people overcome their fear of snakes and observed that this process helped them engage challenges in other areas of their lives. They seemed to develop a more general sense of self-efficacy, not only the ability to deal comfortably with snakes. This episode describes the essential elements of self-efficacy and shows how to develop this mindset. Self-efficacy has an interesting relationship to concepts in psychology like self-esteem and growth mindset, as well as OptimalWork’s key pillars of reframing, mindfulness, challenge, developing strategies, and growing in mastery.

#300: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres discuss Cal Newport's new book, “Slow Productivity: The Lost Art of Accomplishment Without Burnout.” “Slow Productivity” builds on themes he explores in his previous books: for instance, mastering your craft and focusing on the process of working. Here Newport focuses on three principles for achieving greater long-term productivity: doing fewer things, working at a natural pace, and improving the quality of your work. The conversation highlights the connection between Newport’s principles and the OptimalWork’s ideals of order, intensity, and constancy in work. It also touches on ways that OptimalWork’s approach complements Newport’s. Whereas Newport focuses on how to develop greater mastery, OptimalWork adds the purpose behind mastery: growing according to ideals, and developing bonds with others.

#299: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres discuss the theory and science behind reframing, which is a foundational skill of OptimalWork. Reframing is essential to personal growth and overcoming challenges. But it goes beyond many of the techniques espoused by “self-help experts.” It is not just about positive thinking or building habits, but about discovering the meaningful opportunities for growth hidden within the challenges you face. This episode summarizes the theory and science of reframing, with practical examples to help you apply this key skill in your life.

#298: In this episode, Sharif and Kevin turn their attention to temperance — the most misunderstood of the cardinal virtues in modern culture. While today's wellness conversations obsess over macros, seed oils, and "locking in" on the perfect diet, Kevin argues that classical temperance was never about health at all. It's about protecting bonds. Drawing on Augustine, Aquinas, and Aristotle, Kevin explains why temperance is fundamentally about keeping our love and attention "whole and incorrupt" for the people in front of us — and why food, drink, and even mindful eating can quietly hijack the very meals meant to nourish our deepest relationships. Along the way, Sharif and Kevin explore orthorexia, the etiquette of small bites, the strange inhumanity of intoxication, and how fortitude becomes the secret shortcut from white-knuckled continence to genuine temperance. A thought-provoking reframe for anyone who has ever confused discipline around food with virtue.

#296: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres review the book “The Anxious Generation” by Jonathan Haidt. “The Anxious Generation” attributes the skyrocketing levels of anxiety among youth, particularly Gen Z, in large part to the widespread use of smartphones and social media. The negative effects of smartphones include social disconnection, sleep deprivation, attentional problems, and addiction. Haidt recommends dramatically restricting kids’ access to the “virtual world,” while also encouraging them to engage more with the real world. Sharif and Dr. Majeres summarize Haidt’s insights and show how they connect to key OptimalWork concepts like challenge and ideals.

#295: In this episode, Sharif asks Kevin to untangle one of the most common mindsets he encounters when coaching people on work: the urge to "just get things done." Kevin argues that this seemingly reasonable attitude is actually a form of anti-fortitude — an effortful suppression of the cost of a task that quietly taxes performance and squeezes meaning out of what we do. Drawing on the acceptance and commitment literature and the neuroscience of the two striatal systems (the free, flexible dorsomedial system versus the rigid, automated dorsolateral system), Kevin shows how pushing through recruits the wrong circuitry, while willingly bearing the cost for love keeps us available, flexible, and capable of real mastery. Sharif and Kevin explore how to tell which mode you're in, why boring and bureaucratic tasks are precisely where ideals matter most, and how contemplation — being "recollected in love" — transforms even the smallest actions. The conversation closes with a first look at the new Golden Hour tool, redesigned around three questions (Who will benefit? What will be hardest? What does excellence look like?) that light up the meaning, effort, and attention engines before a time of work begins.

#294: In this episode, Sharif and Kevin explore one of the most psychologically subtle traps people fall into after being wronged: resentment. Kevin opens with a bold claim — that a hyperfocus on wounds is actually an inversion of justice, not an expression of it. Drawing on Augustine and Aquinas, they unpack why real justice is fundamentally outward-directed and rooted in love, while resentment collapses attention inward, keeping people locked in a loop of replaying the offense and waiting for the other person to make things right. They also address the fear of becoming a pushover, the difference between tolerating injustice and acting prudently within it, and practical ways to catch yourself when resentment is taking hold — including how the "prudent person test" from their episode on scrupulosity applies here. The episode closes with a compelling case for why the surest path out of resentment is not distance from the offender, but a renewed commitment to the bond itself.

#293: In this episode, Sharif and Kevin explore scrupulosity — a form of OCD that targets the conscience itself, trapping thoughtful, well-intentioned people in endless loops of moral doubt. Kevin explains how scrupulosity hijacks the machinery of prudence, replacing genuine moral reasoning with what he calls "sham prudence" and "sham guilt" — feelings that are indistinguishable from real guilt but point in entirely the wrong direction. The conversation moves from vivid real-world examples of obsession, compulsion, and avoidance to a genuinely surprising insight: the cure isn't better moral reasoning, it's bypassing moral reasoning altogether — through imagination, empathic simulation, and a willingness to embrace the discomfort of sham guilt for the sake of love. Equal parts clinical and philosophical, this episode offers a framework that will resonate with anyone who has ever wondered whether their conscience is helping them or holding them hostage.

#292: In her recent best-seller “Bad Therapy,” Abigail Shrier argues that therapy for children causes more problems than it solves. Shrier critiques the approach many therapists take as based on a flawed understanding of human nature, and she also draws attention to data suggesting that modern therapy is not stopping the increase in rates of anxiety, depression, etc. and may even be increasing them. In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres explore Shrier’s work, arguing that while much of her critique is valid, it only applies to a certain subset of therapy. The solution to bad psychology is good psychology, not no psychology.

#291: Kevin and Sharif pull back the curtain on the major AI overhaul inside OptimalWork, explaining how the platform has evolved into a personalized growth system that helps people set better goals, reflect more effectively, and build momentum day by day. They explore why generic AI advice often falls flat, how a strong governing theory makes AI far more useful, and why the future of human flourishing still depends on something no machine can replicate: the heart of a real mentor. Along the way, they preview the new Grow-Work-Learn vision for the platform—and share why this next chapter could make both personal growth and mentoring dramatically more powerful.

#290: It can be tempting to fit people into our categories: we think things like, “she’s sanguine,” “he’s not good at math,” “she’s shy,” “he’s melancholic.” We may even convince ourselves that these labels help us people as they want to or ought to be treated. But taken too far, labels prevent us from forming meaningful relationships with people. They can limit what we say or do, leading us to avoid certain topics of conversation or shared activities, and sometimes even introduce fear into the relationship. To form true bonds, we need to be radically open to the other person and treat them as a unique individual.

#289: The brain’s models and predictions play a central role in the vicious cycles that drive procrastination, dread, and anxiety. When your brain assess a challenge as a threat, often it’s predicting some pain, or shame and sounds the alarm to get you to avoid it. To reverse these vicious cycles and transform them into virtuous ones, we need to shape our brain’s predictions, de-fusing from our models, opening up to reality, and asking: How can this bring out my best? What would a new and better way of doing this look like?

#287: Why do we sometimes feel like we're at war with ourselves? In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres dive into a therapy approach called Internal Family Systems (IFS), exploring how our mind has various parts — protectors and exiles — which are sometimes in conflict. Approaching these parts with curiosity and compassion paves the way to resilience and growth. IFS offers valuable tools for everyday life and self-therapy. This discussion is geared toward empowering you to apply these learnings to your own internal challenges, fostering a path to flourishing.

#286: In this episode, Sharif and Kevin continue their deep dive into the dynamics of vitality by tackling the most overlooked of the cardinal virtues: justice. Building on their framework linking anxiety, depression, and addiction to different “engines” of human behavior, Kevin explains why justice doesn’t merely fix one problem but reorders the entire system. Through vivid metaphors and clinical insight, they explore why true healing can’t happen in isolation, how serving something greater than oneself restores balance, and why modern ideas of self-care often reinforce the very valleys they aim to escape. The conversation reframes mental health around bonds, responsibility, and the powerful role of giving one’s best to others.

#285: In this episode, Sharif and Kevin map the ancient framework of the cardinal virtues—prudence, justice, fortitude, temperance—onto the modern “three engines” model of meaning, effort, and attention. Kevin argues that love sits at the core of both emotion and virtue, and shows how different “dark valleys” (anxiety, depression, addiction) have corresponding saddle points where a person can open to reality or close against it. The conversation turns practical as they translate each virtue into a simple question you can ask in the heat of the moment—especially when uncertainty, exhaustion, or craving tries to hijack your next move.

#284: Sharif and Dr. Majeres return to unpack one of the most practical ideas in OptimalWork: valleys, vitality, and the “saddle points” where change actually happens. Kevin explains how anxiety, depression, and addiction are shaped by love misdirected toward relief, and why the moments in between—waking up, starting work, finishing a task—are where everything tilts. They explore how love functions as a kind of gravity, how predicted pain gets people trapped in their heads, and why opening willingly to discomfort for the sake of real bonds is the only path back to vitality. The conversation blends neuroscience, philosophy, and daily work habits into a framework that helps people recognize temptation not as failure, but as a moment of choice.

#283: What motivates you to get up in the morning? What motivates you to continue working on a challenging task? Learning how to motivate yourself is essential to true success, but so many people are motivated by a fear of failure, that is, by shame. In this episode, we discuss the relationship between shame and motivation, how to tap into deeper sources of motivation, and how to overcome shame using techniques from Internal Family Systems (IFS). In our next episode, we’ll discuss more in-depth how to apply IFS.

#282: Overcoming anxiety occurs in three successive stages. In the third and final installment of a three episode series, we discuss stage three: using adrenaline to achieve maximal growth. Stage one, bronze-work, centers on challenging yourself by engaging triggers head-on, and it has the effect of habituating the fear associated with that particular trigger. Stage two, silver-work, centers on being mindful of the alarm as it’s sounding, and it helps you accept the discomfort associated with triggers in general. Finally, stage three, gold-work, helps you focus on transcendent goals — skills, ideals, and bonds — so that the adrenaline you have brings out your best.

#281: Whenever we do something repeatedly, we’ll tend eventually to do it in a rote, automatic way. This even applies to OptimalWork’s core practices: reframing, mindfulness, and challenge. In this episode we show how curiosity can help you overcome this tendency and bring a sense of newness to every challenge you face.

#280: The New Year provides a unique opportunity for a fresh start. To make the most of this opportunity, approach your resolutions with hope and creativity: hope so that you strive for the highest things (ideals, bonds) and creativity so that you can strategize how to achieve them. In this episode, Dr. Kevin Majeres and Sharif Younes discuss a broad array of questions related to New Year’s resolutions.

#279: In this episode, Dr. Kevin Majeres and Sharif discuss some questions received by email about service. Working with a spirit of service means shaping yourself so that you’re the kind of person who is ready to give cheerfully to all those around you. Although this requires that the actual work you’re doing is helpful, the essence lies instead in the way you do it: with a willingness to form and prioritize bonds with those closest to you.

#278: Overcoming anxiety occurs in three successive stages. In the second installment of a three episode series, we discuss stage two: using mindfulness to experience the alarm of anxiety. When you focus on the alarm of anxiety, rather than the trigger only, the learning generalizes to all triggers. It also flips the feeling of fear into one of daring, an eagerness to approach the trigger. This sets the stage for you to use your anxiety and adrenaline to achieve peak performance, which is the topic of next week’s episode.

#277: In this conversation, Sharif and Kevin delve deeper into the dynamics of human growth and why progress often feels nonlinear. Drawing from chaos theory, they explore the idea of “valleys” and “vortexes” of anxiety, depression, and addiction—and how a single loving, willing action in the present moment can reverse even the strongest downward momentum. Kevin explains how vitality emerges from embracing challenges rather than seeking relief, and how the same simple move sustains resilience whether someone is studying for finals or facing a personal crisis. This episode offers a practical and empowering map for anyone who wants confidence that they really are growing, even when circumstances get harder.

#276: In this conversation, Sharif Younes and Dr. Kevin Majeres introduce the idea of “strange attractors” as a framework for understanding why people can abruptly shift between vitality and states like anxiety, depression, or addiction. Drawing from chaos theory, Kevin explains how meaning, effort, and attention can lock into recognizable behavioral patterns—some virtuous, some vicious—that scale from a moment to an entire life. Sharif and Kevin explore how “signature moves” define each valley, why people can feel stuck even when they're doing everything right, and how small acts of willingness at key transition points (“saddle points”) can redirect the whole system toward vitality. This is the first episode in a series unpacking these dynamics and how to apply them in real life.

#275: In this episode, Sharif and Kevin explore how the cortex and attention form the capstone of motivation and enthusiasm. Together, they trace how meaning (the septum), willingness (the striatum), and focused presence (the cortex) work in harmony to create clarity, silence, and smoothness: the hallmarks of deep attention and flow. Kevin explains why distractions arise, what inner “friction” really signals, and how love and service fuel the brain’s attentional systems. This conversation offers a vivid look at how desire, silence, and love form a virtuous cycle in work and life.

#274: In this follow-up to their discussion on meaning and the septum, Sharif and Kevin turn to the striatum—the brain’s engine of effort and challenge. Kevin explains how our willingness to act depends on dopamine, and how love, purpose, and embracing discomfort transform drudgery into freedom and flow. They contrast this neuroscience-based approach with Stoicism, showing how the key to persistence isn’t suppressing emotion but letting meaningful motivation drive every action.

#273: In this conversation, Sharif Younes and Dr. Kevin Majeres explore the brain’s septum—the hidden center where love, meaning, and motivation converge. Kevin explains how “septal resonance” connects our sense of purpose to our relationships, and how practices like sincerity, gratitude, and loving-kindness can reawaken zeal in our daily work. Together, they unpack how reframing and genuine affection can shift us from threat mode into vitality mode, bringing new depth to both work and spiritual life.

#272: In this episode, Sharif and Kevin continue their exploration of depression, burnout, and low energy—this time uncovering a remarkable bridge between neuroscience and classical wisdom. Kevin reveals how adenosine’s “good tired” and “bad tired” states map directly onto Aquinas’ ideas of tristitia and acedia, showing that what medieval thinkers called “weariness of soul” may be the same state modern science calls burnout or depression. Together, they unpack Aquinas’ five treatments for sadness—pleasure, friends, contemplation, sleep, and tears—and show how each one perfectly targets a modern neurobiological pathway of vitality, meaning, effort, and attention.

#271: In this episode, Kevin and Sharif explore one of the most elegant parallels in psychiatry — the deep connection between anxiety and depression. Kevin explains how panic disorder can be seen as a phobia of adrenaline, while depression mirrors it as a phobia of adenosine, the brain’s “tiredness” signal. Together, they explore how unwillingness to feel these sensations fuels both disorders, and why willingness—even love—toward the very sensations we resist becomes the key to healing. With striking clarity, Kevin shows how practices like focused work, rhythmic rest, and embracing “good tired” can reverse the spiral of depression and restore energy, meaning, and joy.