Miami Minutes

Our duo stand now at the precipice - this is the final hurdle, the last challenge that they must face in order to obtain their black belts in Taekwontoe and graduate to become Podcast Grand Masters. The time is here, the time is now... we are in the end game.

Miami Minutes is done, friends!

It has been a pleasure sparring with you all.

Those words keep rollin', rollin', rollin'... WHAT?

Yes, it's text town once more as our family delve into what little cinema stories can be gleaned from this motley crew. You'd better believe that there's some gems hidden in there, oh yes.

So hop on your bed and hold on to your jockstraps!

LET'S GET CRAZY! LET'S GET NUTS!

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

Credits season is upon us! Join our (dynamic) duo as they quickly lose their minds and completely go off the rails!

Along the way they'll discuss the very concept of peace, mock Hulk Hogan and consign private parts to Rutland trees.

Get all this and more as Miami Minutes races toward the finish line!

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

Jim meets his dad for the first time and they share the love. Already. After five seconds. As grown men.

The most important thing though is that, with the power and strength of his friends and family, Jim is going to make a recovery. He's in pain, but pain can't stop this titan of a man.

Our boys walk towards the camera on their way to board the 'Live-4-Ever' as the last of the proper footage freezes before us.

Then, the immortal words are shown for the first time...

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HE'S THE FATHER? HIM?!?!? THIS CHILD?!?!?

OK, sure, whatever... I guess this is where we're going with things...

The good news, however, is that Jim is going to be fine! Somehow the sword missed every single vital organ - what a stroke of luck! Now he can meet this FAKE grifter pretending to be one of his parents - how lovely.

Mr Brown, is it?

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

The blood of Yashito stains his once pristine robes. Mark can rest easy.

OR NOT! He has to get Jim to the hospital - and fast! John has managed to shake off the blood lust long enough to drive the car AND put a shirt on. I think he's going to be alright, folks.

Will Jim, however? Our gang line up in the waiting room alongside a mysterious new visitor...

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

Muddy Mark and Yucky Yashito are both ready to finish the fight once and for all. After seemingly defeating his foe, Mr Dragon walks away... only to be beset by a blade! Using the very tactics that he taught us all earlier, our hero turns the knife on the wielder. Yashito is defeated. It's over... it's finally over. Jim will be smiling down on this, I'm sure. Unless...

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

Mark and Yashito (Jeff?) are locked in deadly combat - katanas, knives, kicks - it's all here as it's all on the line. Mark even attempts a little superpower, but sadly can't seem to successfully catch a flying blade. Better luck next time.

After delivering a devastating Dirty Deeds, how will Yashito get back into this thing? FIGHT FOREVER! FIGHT FOREVER! FIGHT FOREVER!

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

Yashito is prepared, Yashito is ready - the meditation is done, the magic Naruto hand spells are in effect and the fool has been punished. It's time to take this war all the way to... the bottom of his pathway or something. WHERE THE HELL ARE THESE GUYS FIGHTING ANYWAY?!?!?

The biggest showdown since Mark vs Jeff is now on as the final battle to end all final battles is here, Taekwondo family.

Dattebayo!

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

The war rages on and the ninja squad show no signs of getting back into the game. Dragon Sound have firmly established control as they cut shoulders in two, slice faces in half and even find time for a light jog. Nobody can defeat the Sensei of Swole and his 24 inch pythons, brother! Now crawl for me...

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

John slices and dices through ninja nobodies and this guy’s innards continue to fly out with abandon.

Oh yeah, drown him too! AND STAB HIM AGAIN! RUB THAT SALT INTO THE WOUND, BABY!

Mark is feeling all of the feels. He's about to have a Menty B and I don't think we can blame him at this point - let it all out. Push out the jive, bring in the love.

THE LOVE OF NINJA SLAYING, THAT IS!

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

John has gone from an angry man to the Doom Slayer incarnate - time to rip and tear. No mercy!

Mark is feeling the same kind of way as he stabs a fool of his own. Jim must be both protected AND avenged. A double whammy!

As the crimson flows (and explodes), join our duo on this wild ride of blades and booze.

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

Jim is slowly expiring as Mark drags him through dirt and ditches, water and swampland, all in an effort to... comfort him? Mark seems to know that hope is lost. Meanwhile, John fights on for his fallen friend, taking revenge on these fools with no pity in his heart. He's certainly got a katana for theirs, however!

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

Jeff's death shall be avenged! In the most tragic way for Dragon Sound fans and orpan-enthusiasts alike.

This week we see Mark desperately attempting to keep Jim out of the way of the oncoming ninja onslaught. Jim's tie is sadly a fatality in the skirmish... and Jim himself may very well be next.

Our hero goes down in the most dramatic of fashions as we all shed a tear for our boy.

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

"Here in my car I feel safest of all I can lock all my doors It's the only way to live in cars"

Ninjas...

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

Jane is here to reconnect with her love. She's done a lot of soul searching over the last... day? Two days? The grieving is done, apparently - it's time to get back to romance, baby.

Mark and John get Jim to the car, ready for his big meeting with pop. Apparently there's going to be NEON SIGNS and everything upon their return. Let's see if that ends up happening...

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

Jim's happiest day is fast approaching, so Mark and John take him to buy his first big boy suit - the former even using his dad-kwon-do to teach tie tying! He's all grown up *tear*. Once he's got the 'fit, they head back home just in time for Jane to... kind of... sort of... maybe... briefly... mention the whole dead brother thing. Oof...

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

Jim opens the mail, like he does every morning. There's never anything there, is there? Never anything of worth anyway. A newspaper, some brochures, junk... except today there's one a daddy waiting just for him! In the literal sense. OH MY GOOOOOOOOD!

Jim was surprised... and the Miami Minutes team may just had a surprise addition of their own this time...

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The Miami Ninja are gearing up for the showdown to end all showdowns... but all Yashito can think of is good times with his now-deceased boy. Remember the fun they used to have at business meetings? Lost now like tears in rain.

Meanwhile, Jim sashay's to the mailbox and finds something rather important...

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

It's the end of an era as a fan-favourite meets his demise. He may be evil, but he was the king our hearts... and beards. Has Mark gone too far? Was it justified? Was it deliberate? Our duo may be at odds on this one!

Yashito feels a great disturbance in the force, as if his beloved suddenly fell silent...

It's time to rally the Miami Ninja! The final showdown awaits!

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

The ultimate showdown has arrived - Jeff vs Mark! The irresistible force meets the immovable object! It's the Ultimate Challenge! Icon vs Icon! And so forth...

Things get a little hardcore as the use of weapons is taken up a notch. Poor Jim can't hold his own on the conflict - time to tag John back into the fray.

It's time to go pipe on pipe!

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Mark isn't playing around. It's time to CRUSH, KILL, DESTROY! You wanna get nuts? LET'S GET NUTS!

Jim enters the battle, to the best of his ability at least. He's trying guys, let's cut him some slack here. He even goes full Metal Gear Solid with the stealth tactics!

Has Jeff done anything yet? You just might be in for a surprise...

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

The Battle of Tom Creek continues to rage! Our Dynamic Duo are locked in Mortal Kombat... but they're making light work of these fools!

Jeff - how about helping your boys, huh? Get out of that k-hole, man.

BEARHUG TIME! Will he tap? Will he pass out? Can anything stop Markamania?

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

I'm a joker I'm a smoker I'm a midnight toker I get my lovin' on the run Ooh, whoo, ooh, whoo!

Not for long though - Mark is here to POP THOSE VEINS, BABY! Bursting onto the scene, our 'hero' takes it upon himself to utterly annihilate the enemy, no holds barred. Lives are on the line this week as The Dragon gets deadly.

Will the crew come back from this swift shift?

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

Hillbilly Dexy flips his lid ONE MORE TIME and we get his classic line yet again - can anybody really get enough of this? The guy is cinematic gold. Meanwhile, Dragon Sound begin their sneak attack and take two fools out of the game. Two more on the way? You better believe it - MARK IS A MACHINE! Can the boys rescue him in time?!?!?

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

We chow down on a little salami this week as the ogling continues unabated. It's not long before we move on, however... on to the crucifixion! By his wounds, we were healed. One man changed the world forever... and that man is Tom from Dragon Sound.

Can the boys rescue him in time?!?!?

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

No pizza for Tom - he's battered, bruised and dragged to his new prison. Things have escalated! While he lays there in agony, Vader, Kid Rock and Floyd partake in a little poppin' 'n' lockin' - just don't do that voice ever again, man.

Will Jane be able to free Tom? Does she even know that he's there? IS he there? WHAT'S GOING ON?!?!?

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

Pizza Hut ain't gonna know what's hit it when these hungry bad boys burst onto the scene - gimme that grease!

First, Tom has to park the car. Alone. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?!?!? He certainly won't get jumped and dragged away... will he?

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Pizza? PIZZA! We did good today, we deserve it.

As our celebrity rockers meet and greet the fans at the University, they are being watched and followed by a shadowy group. You can't evade Vader and co, fools.

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

Get these down ya, if you know what's good for ya!

It's breakfast time with the boys and if you want that doughnut you'd better have your fruit first, kid. 

Lose 30 pounds in 30 days right here with our newest podcast episode!

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Join us for a very cultured episode as we join the DS boys for a spot of reading, studying and bettering ourselves. Snuggle up under your U-Haul blanket, grab a glass of milk and open your mind to the teachings of this stoic master of the house. 

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This week is full of broshakes, pointless hats, tiny beers and large chests. The shindig continues as Mr Hairy himself, Jeff, gets a little loose with his boss/love interest Yashito.

Oh and nails go where nails shouldn't!

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The party rolls on as Jeff and the gang roll into view - it's not time for business, it's time to ROCK! And lovingly choke a big bear, whatever.

How's about a smooch for this simp?

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

It's party time, baby! The biker gang hit the booze and have a good ol' shindig - it's time to get wild, to get rowdy, to get NAKED... with the tough guys! Two Jägerbombs aren't enough!

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The professional Police Buffoons (every department HAS to have some, by law) assume that this has all been a job well done and they bumble back to base. Good work, lads.

Meanwhile, Yashito has gathered his boys up for a badass bike ride, showing what real TOUGH GUYS they all are.

Cruise with our crew once again, orphan family.

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

The cops are here to break up this man-on-man action. EVERYBODY SCRAM!

It doesn't really seem like they know what they're doing, so I guess both the good guys and the bad have an advantage here. TO THE FRIENDSMOBILE!

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

Mark, the Train Track Terror, is in full force as he grapples and grasps and leaves his enemies gasping - literally! IT'S STRANGLING TIME!

John is trying to get to a better position and manages to lure his poor victims out into the middle of nowhere in order to deliver a hellacious beatdown on these fools and even Kid Rock too. Can't say he doesn't deserve it like...

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The great train track showdown is about to hit full gear as Dexy and the gang declare our Dragon lads to be dead meat whoreson knaves! These truly are Streets of Rage.

From kitchen knives all the way to trains themselves, no weapon is off limits in this brawl to end it all!

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

We’re back as the King of Parkour debuts this new artform. He’s rushing to tell his boys - Dragon Sound are here and they’re looking to FIGHT!

Jack is psyching himself up for the rumble ahead - he's gonna chop that confidence right into himself!

As the crew arrive there's a tense stalemate... who will make the first move? The first attack? THE FIRST MISTAKE?

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

Our evil doers might look relaxed but they're also ready to roll. ready to rumble, ready to RIOT! Once Dragon Sound arrive on the scene they're dead meat - click, click.

The boys aren't afraid though - they're on there way and they're down to clown. Mark is suited and booted - the war is on.

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

Jeff is being a bit of a scamp and his sister tells him to just stop it, alright? Don't be a meanie! I'm not sure she's really 'getting' the gravity of this whole situation...

The big bro goes into full on control mode - do what I say and everything will be fine. No more hanging out with crap musicians - only good ones, damn it!

Is Jane teasing a heel turn?

Anyway, she heads home and the next day Jeff is back to chillin' with the homies. No cares in the world this guy... except for that bloody band!

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

We’re back as the gang have found a mysterious note left on their car. It's Jeff and he wants to meet at the railroad tracks. There are only two real outcomes from that... fightin' or lovin'. Which will it be dude?

Jane heads down to the gym to set her brother straight. Leave those kids alone! No hugs for you either.

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

The boys are bigging up Big Uncle once more. He took those guys on all by himself! WITH THE POWER OF HIS HEART! AND MIND!

As Mark demonstrates his mastery of the toe-based arts once more, we hear his thoughts on taekwondo as a whole - basically, it's THE BEST. Yep, better than all the rest.

But wait... a love letter? SHUT UP, DAMN IT!

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These ruffians continue to belittle and defraud poor Uncle Song... but it's the last mistake they're ever gonna make!

The master is finally pushed too far and he springs into action - time to annihilate these FOOLS!

The Dragon Sound boys arrive to offer backup... but none is needed. Is Song proud of this moment? No - he simply did what needed to be done.

Anyway, anybody want a sub?

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

Jack elaborates on his tour plans and also wants to visit all of the different taekwondo schools. Sensible, friendly and ambassador-like or a crazy imposition and taking advantage of people's hospitality? YOU DECIDE!

All Mark cares about is food and we can all relate - but oh crap, the boys are supposed to be at Uncle Song's place!

I'm not sure he's noticed to be honest as he has his own issues - a gang of scantily-clad ruffians aren't willing to pay and they're about to get physical about it! Can Song keep his cool?

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

John promises to protect Jack, to protect the whole damn family. We've got a regular Dominic Toretto over here.

Mark explains his history a little - he came here and had nobody and nothing to his name. Look at the empire he has created - a gang of hard rockin' orphan badasses! Or something like that.

Jack is back to his usual self now and the mention of “the world” has given him an idea. Not a little idea, A GRAND IDEA! A WORLD TOUR BABY!

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

Mark approves of the board-breaking idea, doing it during the set and that. He doesn’t sound TOO enthusiastic though does he?

The gang also decide to write ANOTHER taekwondo song, which might be one too many at this point but okay, at least they know their gimmick.

Jack is put off playing the club again because of how they all got jumped. Also, it sounds like Jeff is there basically every single day, so I guess there’s no avoiding him. Gotta deal with that damn gang!

Mark lays it all on the table - that job at the club is paying for their schooling. No job, no money, no school. WHAT DO THEY DO?!?!?

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

Ten Million Weeks of Taekwondo (toe?) continues… I think we’re basically doing a challenge at this point.

Mark may fumble with a knife but he isn't a total klutz - this dude brings the ruckus... especially to noses!

Boards get broken, bricks get bashed... then it's off for a nice, refreshing Pepsi...

The next episode follows in one week, friends!

Jack looks super grateful that this god of a man, this arbiter of life and death, has spared him. Oh great one, I am lowly in comparison to thee! Another lovely bow is exchanged before Jack takes a seat once more - ON THE FLOOR, WHERE HE BELONGS!

Up steps John, ready for the challenge... of performing the choreographed manoeuvres. One Mark destroys that fly it's ready for some knife action! Stabby stab stab...

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We are given the honour of receiving Master Kim’s bow. That’s a good bow, not a shit bow.

Wordlessly, Jack decides to get up to take Mark on and... oh boy... this kid gets SCHOOLED by the king himself. Watch and learn, child - your superior is showing you how it's done.

Mark fists hard, He-Man... and he could certainly fist them all.

The next episode follows in one week, friends!