Live IFS

🔸 Judging grace

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

I'm off-base when I finish her sentences, but she moves so quickly, I feel like my questions often slow her down, so it’s all I can offer. And I get struck by these feelings of serendipity; like in this call, trying to keep up at top speed but also miraculously not falling, I pictured a couple of squirrels chasing each other in the tree. Then she mentions a tree house, and I have to check if I'm dreaming. And I'm holding back laughter, in wonder at how a squirrel knows where to leap. There are pros and cons to this kind of resonance, at times distracting. But if you notice our work being significantly impaired by it, to please speak up.

🔸 Practitioner qualifications

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

Talking too much. Sorry, Christine. Semi-IFS calls (when someone wants to talk about a thing, outside of usual IFS schedule) are tricky.

Re: "how it feels when mom says…" I felt like protectors wouldn’t let us go there, so I decided to drop it. I chose "return to topic" due to time pressure (she starts her new role like tomorrow!) so I figured we could try to put a bow on that, revisit the deeper stuff In future work. I was feeling strong pull to direct access… I gotta check that inclination of mine.

Also I'm aware there's plenty of hard science in psychology and therapy. And I think it’s fair to say that it advances, in practice, by people trying stuff and seeing if it works (difficult to measure). The *most* influential (ie the Buddha) didn't do much publishing, peer review, outcome studies. “Parts are a thing, and I can talk to voices in my head” may always be an instantiated belief, and the anecdotal evidence, the ratio of “things are better” vs “worse” that I hear is sufficient proof for me.

🔸 Healthy anger. Explode or do nothing.

🔸 My father: I've had enough / would like some resolution

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

The way Steve frequently shares his somatic state is so helpful; something I'm missing by doing audio-only. I should add it to my default, "use anytime" set of questions.

Around min 31, I struggled to find the simple question. "How did his being closed minded make you feel silenced?" hmm, no that doesn't capture it…. if I just say "whats the connection…?" that feels too blunt. Maybe I'm working too hard to avoid that. Or maybe I'm noticing Steve can go deep, quick, so I'm avoiding those more open ended questions.

🔸 Ah there it is again, this big mound of disappointment in myself

🔸 Nothing I can possibly understand about an abstract fetal part; the root of my anger issues.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

First call at new time slot: 630am (in Vietnam). I stopped offering it after a few months, having become aware of those crafty parts always suggesting any IFS stuff as a fine substitute for my own parts-work.

🔸 Another version of me that could be with my mother.

🔹 Parts:

• P: Membrane, buffer. Doing the job of creating another me. Blocking the comparison to another. Needs more time in nature and free expression, free hand doodling for 5 minutes, 5 days. "Open your eyes and really see"
• P: Gotta find the right thing to work with. Lots of choices, pinball, distract.
• E: 7-8yrs old. No time for my feelings. Rejected, not enough, disappointing. "I'm not that other kid"

🎓 What Christine would like to do differently:

Remember to hit record before the call starts!

🔸 LSD. My partner, my self.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

When I would meet my former business partner on the job site, my first task was to figure out how much he already had to drink. And knowing that, I still couldn't predict how productive we would be. Are we going to get some work done, or am I going to spend my day hiding him from the homeowner and later the cops?

I understood my drinking-buddy's drug of choice and how it affected him. But I don't have experience w higher doses of LSD, and I don't know Julian's sober baseline. I dont know which parts are LSD inspired/accessible, and so my abilities feel devalued/moot. I have the hour blocked off, it's not like I don't want to meet with him, but I don't know who I'll be meeting!

The right thing to do I suppose is just speak for that, but it's a tough line to walk. Plenty of parts disappointed or frustrated, but I did some good work with them eventually,, and discussed it w Jules. I'm not anti-drugs, or anti- having fun with IFS, but I'd like to do that with mutual intention and agreement.

🔸 If mom wants to go…

📌 Justine call referenced is #411

🔸 Smoke; a solid ally, something to hold on to in a storm.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

Funky energy today, failing to shift my sleep schedule before going to Vietnam next week. And more tempted to go completely off script working w Christine, like in experimenting w not you-turn today. Why? Cuz what if this type of access is more efficient (or is that a step backwards)? Or a part of me that wants to show my own care for her parts? Or maybe my attention was divided by my own 13-year-old sneak out and smoke parts relating, and because I needed to speak with that part, I was doing that vicariously.

🔸 At risk all the time. More than validation.

🔸 Too gay... (nobody likes the critic)📌 The last convo we're referencing was not published.

🔸 No point in being here anymore

🔸 Will I be any good at this?

🔸 I can never grow up

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

Glad I got a redo on "change bodies"! It didn’t feel quite right but I was in "you can do anything" mode.

#InternalFamilySystems #IFS #HệThốngGiaĐìnhNộiTâm #PartsWork #SứcKhoẻTinhThần #ChữaLành #ViệtNam #TâmLýHọc #KhámPháBảnThân

🔸 Breaking it down into little bits

🔸 Sex is love, Insight's a drug

📌 Jules edited the call; I am not sure what, if anything, was cut. I also have no way of *knowing* what drug/dose Jules took, and because this is our first chat, have no baseline to compare to.

🔸 Lights out, no sweet dreams.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

Am I saying "life out" towards the end instead of "lights"? Maybe that's what I heard around 21m and got it wrong in my notes. Sounds like I'm not listening very well.

🔸 Hazy speaks, avalanche, notes on MDMA

🔸 Keep whipping, she might get it right eventually

🔸 My life's work: A safe haven inside my Self

🔸 Legalize it. (The enthusiast turned up)

🔸 The critic: You see them, dont you?

🔸 Bringing the love forward.

🔸IBS & a desire covered by happiness

🔹 Parts:

• Part feels stuck/lonely. Lonely forever. A grey clay ball. Memories of 4yo, doing stuff on my own. Sadness. Scared to try new things scared to be exposed scared of judgement.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

Too much hypothesizing. Listening back, trying to figure out what else was going on for me, and I see this was my first call since being back in America, and also I went to a (disappointing) concert out of state the night before. Otherwise, perhaps to do with a 1.5 year interim between this call and last, I might have had parts telling me to be cautious, uncertainty in me translating into making lots of guesses.

🔸 What is it like to have a safe place to share?

🔹 Parts:

• E: Lost. ill equipped. 12 yrs old
• P: Disassociate: a dark black wall. A protective layer. "Poof!"
• P: the manager: skeletal form, "been around for ever". trying not to be lost

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

Talk less, guide less, stay out of the way!

🔸 Is Self actually genuinely connecting?
🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

If this is a self-like part or Sally, I'm trying not to pull the rug out from under it. I'm standing back, observing, keeping my responses more neutral / hypothetical like “I can imagine, *if* a part is hearing that ‘bring it on’, it might not trust...” I'm seeking input from the target, with the assumption that their potential pushback would verify my own. I could have gone deeper into “feel towards?”, sticking with the method of using the feelings to indicate Self's presence. Not as confident with working backwards from "Self feels x, Self feels y".

Also checking my own bias, don't wanna assume *my* Self will have the same verbiage / pace as caller's Self. I have some crude metrics to use, but if I meet the Buddha, can I say for certain I would recognize him? I can only guide from where I am.

Perhaps (more simply) all of this is just coming from my own protectors. After all, I’ve seen approaches by pros that, were I the client, I know my system would reject as pushy. As a guide, I'm not in a hurry. I'm to serve as a parts-detective, not the parts-police. Maybe I'm just lacking the courage / compassion (or experience) to confidently speak for my concerns.

🔸 Not great! (am I allowed to say that?)

🔹 Parts:

• E: mousy, dark hair. grapes. Looking for a leader.

🔸 Terrible boring kaleidoscopic fruit salad.

*The picture might not be accurate

🎓 What I'd like to do differently: I didn’t offer that minute of meditation any earlier, like I said I would. And I'm holding back a lot of "sounds like ADHD..." The compromise that works for my system has been to discuss it outside of IFS calls.

🔸 Time to learn what works for me

🔹 Parts:

• Media gobbler
• Rushing to do everything or else health fails. Why can’t we be like people who spin all the plates.
• Science says do the optimal thing
• Don’t be pathetic, don’t pity me
• Wants me to create a program we can do!

🔸 If we don't avoid, when do we rest?

🔸 Serious symbols; fear of dying again.

🔸 To be an amazing woman

🔹 Parts:

• P: If I can just get this right. Must pick the best option, The perfect intervention. wedding day.
• E: im not good. Lump in throat
• P: critiquey. Things go to shit, you can try all you want to understand, it’s not good enough. Cloaked. Rebellious teen “you don’t even know what I’ve done”. Sick of “giving up, sloth like”, “weak, don’t know what to do”, “embarrassed”, and showing stupidity. Praying doesn’t work. The dark side and exiles “I don’t want you”
• P: above is here just to be mean

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

I'm making a lot of guesses. Maybe cuz when a new person is going deep, I want to take more responsibility even if wrong. But I'm out on the ledge a bit, leading in directions that I wasn't always so confident about. However, we had spoken a bit before this call, and when someone has listened (and shared their appreciation) a lot, it feels safer.

🔸 She doesn't have to do anything

🔸 Fear & anger; losing partner, job, self.

🔸 Genie's year-one review

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

Listening back, I notice the shift in energy after meditation. I should offer that sooner.

It’s not true that I never skip 'feel towards', I just wanted to drive it home here. In fact, her intuition of “ask it for space or to see me” is likely how I would respond (with second part). So perhaps she's bringing 201 skills to a 101 exam. Or I'm failing my exam-creator exam.

🔸 Performing for no one, managed to be pretty.
2️⃣ The 5 year old and the dark spot.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

Too pushy? Yes, I can hear it: “Don’t say it again, James! Give it a rest, try direct access!” Maybe I should have! But, I'm in the dark a lot here. My concern with D.A. is that I may get sideswiped, ghosted, and/or have my own frustrated parts come up. I can’t see in, so we’re playing telephone.

I was suspicious about "The 5 year old is the manager", but didn't want to risk losing momentum.

🔸 Thanks for the dress, it'll go with my mask.

🔸 I'm supposed to surrender to Self because... I'm stupid?

🔸 What to say when "you’re not listening to me"

🔸 Deeply cut, not ok. The worst breakup.
2️⃣ I can't process my way out of this.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

Plenty I could do differently... It’s hard! Maybe because I relate so much. So I kept checking in w parts in me. And that limited how much I could show up for her. But I don’t know another way. There are times I feel like I'm not doing a great job In guiding caller, but my biggest regrets come from ignoring my own parts.

2️⃣ Nothing at all! Whatever allows me to witness and participate in this, I'm grateful for.

🔸 The rebel wants me to be myself... too much?

🔹 Parts:

• The rebel, strong, important to be myself, doesn’t like being told what to do, snowballing. Teenagery. Likes its job, but not pushing people away, and sad & angry about locking up parts when it wants freedom.
• Trusts Milan, rather team up w cheerleader
• The people pleaser, stays locked up by rebel.
• Possible exile(s): feeling of being controlled, memories of a family member, 3 yo, felt small.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

Call recorded March '23.

🔸 A glimpse over the edge

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

Too much dot-connecting / guessing?

🔸 A bad habit. Why can’t we get this off of us?

🔸 She can't sing like that.

🔹 Parts:

• P Distracted humming, decoy
• P teeth grinding/self harm. Stop singing, learn the truth. Worried about how I’ll respond and get into trouble. Stop me crying out loud when I was a baby.
• P we’ve been through this before, it’s a load of shit. Make up some stuff and get out, been working on it so long, if you haven’t got it by now, you never will
• E crying alone in crib, confused.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

Get permission before sharing my parts.

🔸 FOMO. Ocean, net, shell, pearl.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

Trying to stay out of the way. But that can backfire. If I'm not actively guiding I can become more of a backseat driver, just throwing up dot-connections. They mostly seemed to land, but, worst-case scenario would be that I'm taking us off track, if a caller has parts that just go along. But today I could sense that analyzer gave space; if we're making stuff up, doing an impressive job!

Also high five to me for finally developing a system to be more aware of future calendar, so I'm not guessing when / if we have next call. I dream of the day I do things like that without spending hours toying with automations...

🔸 Making up is life or death

🔸 If you just stay mad then it’s only your own heartbreak you’re holding

🔹 Parts:

• P: better to be angry than take on a lineage of powerlessness
• E: sensing, sensitive, wanting to take it all in. Had to develop a tenseness to keep out the heavy, dark energies around her. Shutting down her powers.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

Still sick during this call which i feel effects my overall energy levels, especially at the beginning of the call. But we find our rhythm.

Parts of me feel I may have talked, interjected too much but then i hear Theresa say “I should let you and James talk more, a lot comes to me when you’re talking’ and I think, well, maybe it all worked out as it should.