Unlocking College Life

Joy and Ilona welcome guest Mel Selber, who is a graduating senior at the University of Michigan. Mel talks about how she redefined who she is over the course of her college experience, and how continuing to take small risks played a role. 

Key Takeaways:

• Internalized beliefs about who we are
• Imposter syndrome
• Straddling two identities, while not belonging to either one
• The experience of being othered
• Discomfort leading to clarity
• Mel’s secret for making new things less nerve-wracking
• Challenging preconceived notions
• Finding new ways to fail safely
• Distinguishing between helpful vs unhelpful anxiety

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Ilona and Joy welcome guest Kate Panzer, who is a 2nd-year medical student at the University of Michigan. Kate followed the pre-med track at the University of Pennsylvania as an undergrad where she developed an interest in disability health through learning American Sign Language (ASL). She is now integrating her interest in disability health into her experience in medical school.

Key Takeaways:

• The pre-med track in undergrad
• The decision to take two gap years before med school
• Why Kate ended up taking 4 semesters of ASL
• From theory to hands-on learning with physicians
• Getting to see medicine in different environments
• How Kate balances the rigor of medical school with social life
• Exploring disability advocacy in health care
• The importance of keeping an open mind throughout college

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Joy and Ilona are joined by Merry Gebretsadik, a first-generation student studying political science and ethnic studies at Colorado State University. Merry outlines her path at CSU from a disconnected first-year student to ultimately being elected as the Vice President of Student Government (ASCSU). 

Key Takeaways:

• Navigating a PWI as a black female student
• Leaning on mentors and advisors
• Importance of putting yourself out there
• Challenging non-inclusive student spaces 
• From student senator to Vice President
• Merry’s “first” in ASCSU history
• The power of the student's voice
• The concept of reverse time management 
• Radical inclusion & continuous outreach as a leader

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Ilona and Joy are joined by Senaida, a student at New York University’s Clive Davis Institute for Recorded Music. Senaida talks openly about her experiences as a musical artist, and the challenges she went through to find her unique artistry now. She says: “My art is my life, and my life is always a work in progress.”

Key Takeaways:

• The high pressure of performing
• Why Senaida developed stage fright
• Accepting limitations 
• Finding her creative place in the music industry
• How Senaida made her college choice
• The pros and cons of competition
• Meditation, spirituality, and musical expression
• The process of accepting that something is “good enough”
• The power of therapy
• Remembering to slow down

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Joy and Ilona talk with Todd Perry who never imagined he would be a college student. This episode is especially for those who have struggled with addiction and don’t believe college is a possibility. Todd had behavioral issues as a young person, and a traumatic upbringing. He lived through years as an addict, and eventually broke the cycle of drug and alcohol addiction. With essential help from others, Todd is now a social work student and a peer-support specialist for the Spartan Recovery Program at UNC Greensboro.

Key Takeaways:

• Power of shame
• The court-appointed attorney who saw something in Todd
• What happened when he went to treatment
• The recovery community - a different type of love and compassion
• Dedication to helping others - being part of something bigger than himself
• How to help college students who are struggling with drinking and/or other drugs 
• The possibility of being on prescription medication while in recovery 
• If you are wondering about recovery on your campus, Todd shares some advice

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Joy talks with Emma Abed, a graduate student at the University of Michigan, about the varied types of relationships in college, and why they can get complicated. Joy and Emma also explore the pros and cons of hookup culture in the college environment. 

Key Takeaways:

• Relationships, gender, and sexuality in college
• Exploring one’s own sexuality
• Why shame can shut down conversations about sex
• Clarifying boundaries in intimate relationships and friendships
• Tools to set boundaries with others
• Expectations of hook-up culture
• Pros and cons of putting a label on a relationship
• Ghosting and why it backfires
• Considering the four quadrants of relationships

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Joy and Ilona are joined by Piers Donald, a senior at the University of Redlands in California. They follow Piers’ story of determination to play basketball in college, being cut from the team and having to build his identity back up through sobriety and a student job opportunity. 

Key Takeaways:

• The trials and errors in college to find one’s purpose and passion
• Internal reckoning of getting cut from the basketball team
• Dealing with failure associated with an identity crisis
• The deeper reasons for drinking - red flags to look out for
• Why therapy helped through his recovery
• The dangers of chasing external sources of happiness
• Finding his passion for event planning through a student job opportunity
• Advice for connection: ask people what they’re passionate about

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From the promise of a no-tuition college in Kentucky to a community college in Maine to Amherst College. Mase Peterson talks with Ilona and Joy about the double-edged sword of striving for an elite college education as a first-generation, low-income student. 

Key Takeaways:

• Reaching for your ambitions at a variety of schools
• The “first-generation, low-income student complex” - internalized messaging about success
• No-Tuition colleges 
• The concept of a chosen family
• College mentors who believe in you
• The pros and cons of an elite education
• Importance of gender and sexuality conversations in college
• Finding belonging with identity-based student groups

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Ilona and Joy talk with Jonah Jacobs, a fellow podcaster and recent graduate of the University of Michigan. Jonah is passionate about normalizing the mental health struggles of men and describes how he worked through the ongoing tensions between his insecure self and his authentic self in college. 

Key Takeaways:

• Noticing insecurity in oneself
• People-pleasing – caring way too much about what other people think
• Drinking behaviors that don’t align with one’s values
• The pressure to keep up the party-guy facade
• What to do about the Sunday scaries
• Jonah’s challenge to you about FOMO
• The importance of taking a mental health inventory
• How to identify values to live your life by
• Find more from Jonah on the Take It On Podcast

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Ilona and Joy welcome Dr. Makeda Turner to discuss the role of an academic advisor and mentor in the college environment. Students may not be aware of all of the types of helping professionals in their college or university. Makeda highlights how to find advisors and mentors who can help students thrive amidst challenges. 

Key Takeaways:

• Impact of “gatekeeping” in high school 
• There is not always a seamless transition from high school to college
• Students of color may feel set-up at a PWI
• Advisors are in a unique role to help students find their way
• What to do if you don’t connect with your academic advisor
• Why Dr. Turner showed up at one of her student’s math classes
• There are lots of helping professionals - how to find yours
• Broadening students’ ideas of how an academic advisor can help
• How to advocate for yourself if you want to switch advisors or mentors
• Finding a sense of belonging and community as a key to success 
• Makeda specializes in coaching graduate-level and doctoral students through their educational journeys. Find her at Essence4success

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Ilona and Joy are joined by Barrett Bongiorno, a sixth year senior who began his college career at Miami University and transferred to the University of Michigan. Barrett talks about getting denied from his dream school and eventually finding a way there through determination and a laser focus on his end goal.

Key Takeaways:

• Considering varied paths to your dream school
• The big school vs. small school experience
• Advantages of being a transfer student
• Imposter syndrome - the transfer version
• Building friendships one-on-one
• Using the challenges of a shared class as a way to connect
• Approaching fear instead of avoiding it
• “There is no course hard enough to deter me from my end goal”
• No shame in having to use the all of the resources
• Seeing college as a great place to fail
• Plans, regrets, and not giving up

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Ilona and Joy welcome business school student, Eric Hopfenbeck, to discuss life in an MBA program. Eric shares his perspective on connecting the for-profit and nonprofit world and his thoughts on social impact. He also discusses leadership values of humility, empathy, compassion, and collaboration as keys to success in current the business world. 

Key Takeaways:

• Top things to consider if you’re interested in business school
• Ups and downs of an MBA program: “Highs, Lows, and Buffalos”
• How imposter syndrome can impact MBA students
• Business school resources that help students prepare for recruiting
• Emotional intelligence as a critically important trait as a leader 
• Which business students tend to succeed longer term 
• How business and public policy can work together for the greater good 
• How to have social impact using private-sector tools
• The intersection of business and democracy

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Joy and Ilona talk with Ishi Shukla, a junior at the University of Michigan, who is one of the co-founding members of a non-profit called the Lunar Doula Collective and a current president of a reciprocal student organization - the Luna Doula Support Network (LDSN). Ishi refuses to wait until she graduates to put her passions into action. She is driven by her passion to make a difference in her community and discusses how to keep moving forward even when it’s hard.

Key Takeaways:

Joy and Ilona talk with Morgan Brown, a freshman at the University of Michigan, who shares her experiences with anxiety and social anxiety in college. Morgan is passionate about destigmatizing mental health and being open about her story of childhood trauma and the path that brought her to where she is today. 

Key Takeaways:

• Navigating a college campus and life with anxiety
• Making friends in spite of self-doubt
• Fear of failure/fear of the unknown
• Control the controllables
• Do the things that make you nervous
• Find out what happens with Morgan’s social media experiment
• Importance of asking for and accepting help

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Ilona and Joy talk with Taylor Gayle White, a nontraditional undergraduate student at UNC Greensboro who is a mental health first aid instructor and also a recovery program assistant. Taylor has a powerful life journey that is informed by the tenet: “how can I be the best version of myself’ every single day. 

Key Takeaways:

Joy and Ilona talk with Alyxandria Ransom, a student majoring in chemistry and sociology at the University of North Carolina Greensboro. Alyx discusses her experience of finding belonging and purpose as a disconnected transfer student. 

Key Takeaways:

• What to do when you feel like “just a number” on campus
• The realities of needing to work two jobs on top of getting a college education
• Alyx’s advice for unconventional college students
• How do you find the people who say YES?
• It is not a failure to take a semester off
• Finding purpose isn’t always a linear process

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Joy and Ilona talk with Sami Alves, a senior studying physics and computer science at Yale University who doubles as a flying trapeze gymnast.

Key Takeaways:

• Learning the skill of saying “no”
• Finding communities of women in the sciences
• Real friends who challenge you when you’re spread too thin
• Reframing unrealistic expectations of oneself
• The importance of hearing others’ struggles
• The group Sami joined that made a difference

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Ilona and Joy talk with Derek Schaedig, a senior psychology major and men’s hockey player for Harvard University. Derek discusses his own mental health struggles, and the perseverance it takes to reframe failures and build resilience to hardships. 

Key Takeaways:

Ilona and Joy talk with Dolores Perales, who is a recipient of the Young Climate Leader Award through the Michigan Climate Action Network. Her journey through college was not easy, and is also full of inspiration and impact. 

Key Takeaways:

• How to follow your own path?
• Dolores’ passion about the intersectionality between environmental justice and health
• Building off past meaningful experiences to help determine one’s major 
• Navigating the barriers of being a first-generation college student 
• The tension between wanting to be a role-model for others and feeling like an imposter
• The game changers for Dolores - what helped her decide not to drop out
• The power of mentoring and being mentored
• Advice for taking care of your mental health as a college student 

The Michigan Climate Action Network is comprised of more than 70 organizations and 30,000 individuals and partners with many coalitions and campaigns working for climate solutions and justice. The organization’s mission is to connect and amplify individuals, communities, and organizations confronting the climate crisis in Michigan and support them in advancing equitable climate solutions with the urgency science demands for the environment and all that live in it. 

The inaugural Michigan Climate Awards recognize Michiganders doing exceptional work in these areas. The Young Climate Leader Award goes to a student or other young person going above and beyond as a volunteer or individual. 

One of the many people who nominated Perales wrote, “As a classmate of Dolores', I've learned so much from her, and watch her work tirelessly to fundraise and promote events that educate our community. She is an inspiration and deserves the Young Climate Leader award.”

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Joy and Ilona discuss the different layers of social media and phone use, it’s benefits, drawbacks and potential for compulsive use. *How does this play out for you? Where do these enhance your life and where do they do the opposite? Any changes you want to make?

Key Takeaways:

• What are signs that your phone is negatively impacting your well-being?
• Catching yourself in the moment - as you reach for your phone - as progress in itself.
• What is one good question to ask yourself when you go to check your phone?
• The connection between your values and intentional phone usage.

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Joy and Ilona are joined by Sarah Renberg, an honor student with a unique backstory, who has spent her college career reframing her own definitions of success and failure. 

Key Takeaways:

• How failures become an asset and a measure for growth
• Aligning everyday small habits with personal values
• Understanding mindfulness as doing your own detective work
• Why Sarah faked her college stories for a while
• The best thing Sarah ever did in college

About Sarah Renberg

Sarah is undergraduate student at the University of Michigan studying Biopsychology, Cognition, and Neuroscience. She tries to bring humor, basic understanding of neuroscience and her own experience living with a brain injury since 2014 to working with Love Your Brain.

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Joy and Ilona offer encouragement around setting boundaries with family and friends around the holidays. Where might you hope to assert a boundary, and where might you consider letting down your guard?

Key Takeaways:

• Noticing what triggers come up for you around the holidays
• How to respond to unsolicited comments or tensions
• Examining the different types of boundaries
• How people-pleasing can get in the way
• Mindfully noticing why home feels different now

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Joy and Ilona are joined by Thomas Vance, a first-year law student at Columbia Law School. Thomas reflects on his experiences as both an undergraduate and a graduate student, student leadership, and his focus on maintaining connections and relationships amidst hardship.

Key Takeaways:

• Who to lean on when unexpected life events happen in college
• Exploring alternative forms of help-seeking
• Community building as a reciprocal form of support 
• Questioning aspects of the resilience narrative
• What Thomas wishes he had figured out a lot sooner
• What to do if you feel like you’re in too deep as a student leader

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Ilona and Joy discuss the hesitations college students face when wanting to reach out to new people. What can you do to boost your confidence in making friends, and finding the people with whom you truly connect.

Key takeaways

• Taking small vulnerable risks in connecting with others
• How to be truly present with others instead of in our own heads
• Reframing rejection
• How to figure out who you click with
• What role does alcohol sometimes play?

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Joy and Ilona are joined by two students, Naomi and Sanil, who share their inside perspectives on navigating college life, making friends, and loneliness. 

Key Takeaways

• How to navigate campus mental health resources
• Advice for first-year students who might be feeling disconnected
• How to find your community
• How your own openness allows others to feel less alone

About Naomi Alvarado and Sanil Mittal

Naomi Alvarado is going to be a Sophomore this fall. She is majoring in Psychology and minoring in Applied Statistics at University of Michigan Dearborn Campus. She loves to read, paint, play the saxophone, and work with children.  She is also the founder of The Unseen United Project and she’s also a child research assistant. 

Sanil Mittal is currently a Freshman and an Astronomy and Astrophysics Major. He is also one of the LSA Honor students. 

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Joy and Ilona discuss the topic of imposter syndrome. They explore ways students can reframe comparisons with others, and challenge negative self-talk. 

Key Takeaways

• The difference between perfectionism and high standards
• How tracking the facts can help with self-doubt
• The bi-directional impact of naming our struggles and failures
• What cognitive defusion has to do with it

Resource/Link mentioned

In today's episode, Joy and Ilona ask you to consider what kinds of connections and relationships you truly want in college. How do you learn to create boundaries with some people, and take small risks to build deeper connections with others? 

Key Takeaways

• Knowing yourself: Do you prefer a small number of close relationships, or a bigger group of friends?  
• The different types of loneliness
• How to set small goals, and take small risks when reaching out to others
• The value of reciprocity in close relationships 

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In today's episode, we will discuss the tension that exists between the desire to rest or take a break, and the guilt that creeps in when you take time for yourselves. Even sleep can feel like a “waste of time.” How do you learn to just be?

Key Takeaways

• The pitfalls of busy culture and the significance of rest and recovery
• How to rewire the instinct to override your exhaustion by doing more  
• The different types of rest
• How to differentiate between “shoulds” and following your own standards

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In this episode, we discuss why it can be difficult to seek help even though there are seemingly endless resources on a college campus. 

Key takeaways to listen for

• Understanding your own barriers to seeking help
• Unlocking some of the secrets about campus resources
• How to have agency in who you choose to seek help from

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In today's episode, we'll talk about how perfectionism can impact your emotional and academic growth, as well as the instinct to seek help.

Key Takeaways

• The impact of perfectionism on your success as a student
• How to escape the perfectionism-procrastination loop
• The difference between high standards and the quest for perfection
• Knowing your WHY: NOT LETTING PERFECTIONISM GET IN YOUR WAY 

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In today's episode, we talk about the reaction and feelings that arise in the transition back to in-person life on college campuses. 

Key Takeaways: 

• Transitions as opportunities for reflection about your values
• Questioning college norms and myths about friendships
• Tips to guide your next steps amidst uncertainty

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