How to Glow: The Jewish Woman's Marriage Boost

Ok this episode is basically a two-parter!

I’m back to share a coaching framework I use all the time: chochma (what I know intellectually), binah (what lands emotionally), and daas (what I actually integrate into behavior). I'll teach you how to use this framework when you're feeling stuck.

We're also talking about shana rishona as a developmental stage: what it's for, how to know if you've "done it," and what to do if something's gone haywire.

For those of you IN shana rishona or wanting a repeat, my First Year Married course starting Sunday the 19th!

What happens when you daven for your husband — not just for shalom bayis, but for him as a person?

In this episode, we explore the difference between praying for your marriage and praying for your husband himself — and why that distinction matters more than we realize.

You’ll hear:

• How this shift builds perspective, respect, and curiosity

• Why thinking we’ve “figured him out” can quietly erode connection

• Simple, realistic ways to incorporate this practice into real life

This is about intentionality, not perfection — and about strengthening your marriage by seeing your husband more clearly.

Want to join us in our Shalom for Shalom challenge?

In this episode, I’m sharing something that came straight out of a coaching call — because I realized this is not a one-woman problem. At some phase of life, every single one of us ends up here: so tired we can’t think straight, can’t be ourselves, and are seriously at risk of making the worst possible decisions at the worst possible times.

We’re talking about what it really means to be below baseline — that foggy, heavy, emotionally fragile place where your brain suddenly thinks it’s a great idea to reorganize the linen closet or re-evaluate your entire marriage at 2 AM.

We explore:

✨ The three levels of self-care — exceptional, routine, and baseline✨ How to recognize when you’re officially below baseline✨ Why you cannot trust your brain when you’re exhausted (treat it like your drunk best friend)✨ The two non-negotiable rules for getting yourself back to normal✨ How one or two early nights can completely change how you feel about your life

If you’ve been scrolling late, snacking nonstop, snapping at people you love, or feeling like you’re just dragging your body through the day — this episode is for you.

🔗 Mentioned in this episode:

After seven months away, I’ve unpacked my microphone and I’m kicking things off with one of the most powerful ideas for marriage: your relationship bank account.

In this episode, I explain why when things are going RIGHT is the best time to focus on your marriage — and how tiny, positive moments now can protect your relationship when life gets stressful.

You’ll learn why shared experiences matter more than deep talks, how men and women connect differently, and how to become a steady, calming presence in your home.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Taking My Sabbatical — Why Now, What’s Next, and What I’ve Learned

After 3.5 beautiful, growth-filled years of How to Glow, I’m taking a full sabbatical. In this episode, I share the heart behind the decision, how it’s unfolding, and the personal and business lessons that led me here. Even if you’re not planning a sabbatical yourself, I think you'll find there’s something in here for you — about presence, priorities, and permission to pivot. 💛Whether you’re curious how I ran things behind the scenes, wondering if a big change is right for you, or just want to say goodbye (for now), I’d love for you to listen.

I had the opportunity to sit down with Rebbetzin Bat-Chen Grossman to talk about something that so many of us are navigating: the intersection of marriage and personal ambition.

What happens when you're a go-getter, you're building something big—and you also want to be the best wife and mom you can be? Do those things clash... or can they actually strengthen one another?

In this honest and insightful conversation, Bat-Chen shares:

• Her personal story of going from resentful and overwhelmed to calm and aligned
• What happened when she finally told her husband what she really needed
• The expectations you might not even know you have about how marriage "has to" be--and what to do about them
• Her beautiful framework, the CALM Method, for creating flow in your marriage and life:

• C: Connect to yourself

• A: Ask for abundance

• L: Listen for the answer

• M: Master a higher level of consciousness

We also talk about how to hear your true wants vs. the ones that have been sold to you by social media, mentors, or family expectations.

💫 Resources Mentioned:

Jackie Glaser is back to explore how surrender and emotional healing unlock deeper connection in marriage—even when things don’t go as expected.

🔗 Mentioned in this episode:

In this episode, I’m joined by the amazing Jackie Glaser—psychologist, educator, and transformational coach—for a powerful conversation about dating, marriage, and emotional healing. Jackie shares her own journey from psychologist and Today Show guest in Australia to deep Torah learning in Jerusalem, and how she now helps women tune into their inner world to unlock clarity in dating and life.

We explore:

✨ When a relationship goes too deep before marriage

✨ How sure someone really needs to be before they say “yes”

✨ The difference between dating to assess and dating in a relationship

✨ How these experiences might play out beyond the chuppah

Jackie answers from the dating perspective, and I chime in from the newlywed side—it’s real, honest, and packed with gems for wherever you are in your relationship journey.

🔗 Mentioned in this episode:

This week I've got a quick exercise for you to do some "eavesdropping" on that beautiful brain of yours. Enjoy!

 Other resources mentioned in the episode:

When you got married, you didn’t just marry him—you married his personality, his family, his past experiences… the whole package. In this episode, we’re unpacking what it really means to accept our spouses (and in-laws!) as a package deal, and how to shift from frustration to curiosity when things feel hard.You'll learn:

• Why every middah (character trait) comes with its own pros and cons
• How to handle personality clashes—like chessed vs. gevurah types
• The importance of addressing challenges early to avoid long-term resentment
• A gentle reminder: you’re a package deal too

Whether you’re dealing with in-law dynamics or learning to navigate your husband’s quirks, this episode will help you approach it all with more compassion and clarity.

💬 Want to go deeper?

In this episode, we’re diving into the challenges you sent in that come up around Pesach—

• navigating in-law dynamics and family expectations
• coming to an agreement over budgeting for yom tov clothes
• finding time to actually connect with your husband amidst all the chaos
• managing less-than-comfortable yuntif arrangements

I’ll walk you through how to prioritize your relationship even when things feel hectic, why quality matters more than quantity, and how to start thinking long-term when it comes to family harmony.

You’ll also hear some practical tips and a gentle reminder that your version of a successful Pesach might look different—and that’s okay.

Mentioned in this episode:

In this week's episode I'm discussing Rav Aharon Feldman's book, The River, the Kettle, and the Bird and how we can use the concept of the peace of the river to create a foundation for growth and connection in our marriages.

Resources:

A good relationship with your in-laws is possible—even if it doesn’t always feel that way. In this episode, we’re tackling one of the most common struggles I hear from newlyweds: feeling criticized or undermined by their mother-in-law.

But what if the issue isn’t confidence, boundaries, or even her intentions? What if the key is simply allowing yourself to be new at this? I’ll walk you through a mindset shift that transforms interactions with your MIL from stressful to supportive—so you can embrace her advice (or let it roll off your back) with ease.

This is the final day of the Shana Rishona Challenge—let’s finish strong! 🎉

Resources:

Shana Rishona Challenge Day 7: Communication Upgrade

It wasn't easy for me to pick which communication hack to use, but yesterday someone told me that after DECADES of marriage, this tool gave her a new insight into her husband. That's enough HP for me.

Here's the idea: women talk back-and-forth. We interrupt to show we get it. We finish each other's sentences.

Men don't. Men talk until the idea is finished. If they see they won't get to finish the idea, they might not bother to start it.

It's tricky, because when he IS talking, we might feel disengaged--after all, we're not used to being so passive. On the other hand, we might not know he even HAS much to say, because he's never really had the chance.

So here's your challenge today: at some point today, listen to your husband AD HA SOF. Until he's done. No interruptions, agreements, disagreements, sentence-finishers, "here's what you're probably trying to say"s.

Enjoy the gift of seeing more and more of him.

💞 Shana Rishona Challenge Day 6: What Do You Need?

Have you ever wished your husband would get you a drink/tell you to get some sleep/bring you something to eat so that you could feel like he really cared?

Good. That's what you're supposed to feel like during shana rishona.

At the beginning of a marriage (I'm talking the first decade), it's about her feeling totally secure that she's a priority. And it's about him learning how to make her a priority.

Where we get stuck is when we forget that we actually can go get ourselves something to eat 🥪, a glass of water 🥤, and put ourselves to bed 🛌🏻. Because we are smart, grown women who know how to do these things. 💪

What happens next? She's hangry and whining that he doesn't care and he's honestly not really sure what just happened. 😣😳

It's funny now but it's not funny in the moment!

One of the best ways to invest in your marriage is to invest in YOURSELF. YES, you want acts of love from him, but they don't need to be for your basic functioning. You don't have to be drowning for him to show he cares. The damsel in distress is so not a Jewish thing.

Today's challenge is a fun one: do something for you!

Resources:

💞 Shana Rishona Challenge Day 5: The Male Mind & You

I feel like I could talk for a year about the male mind and not lose interest. If I could go back and talk to MYSELF as a newlywed, this is what I'd share with her first:

Listen to what he's saying.

I don't mean listen to what he seems to be saying. Or listen to what he's implying. Or listen to what he means.

I mean the actual words.

Men are refreshingly, amazingly, brilliantly direct.

I can't tell you how many times a woman I was coaching was telling me about the disapproval/frustration/judgment she was getting from her husband. When I asked her for the actual WORDS he said, she paused.

And thought.

And asked, "wait... do you think he really meant... what he was saying?"

He did.

Phew. 😅

💬 Your challenge today: Listen to the actual words. If you think he means more than he's saying, just ask. He'll tell you.

It's such a treat to be married to a man!

Resources:

Resources:

In this episode Kayla introduces the Shana Rishona challenge, inspired by her First Year Married course. Kayla emphasizes the importance of cultivating 'newlywed energy' regardless of how long you've been married. She shares her recent experience of balancing family needs while revamping her marriage course and explains the purpose of the eight-day Shalom for Shalom challenge.

Resources:

Mushka and I share a soapbox today about the need to widen our focus when we support women in shana rishona. Her upcoming summit does exactly that (and I hope I do the same in my online course!) and so I'm thrilled you'll get a behind-the-scenes peek into what she's offering THIS WEEK.

Important links for you:

Want to make ANY changes in your life or relationship? The first step is self-awareness. No, I don't mean you need to go meditate on a grassy hill. You need to know what's driving you. What you're thinking. What's that inner monologue going through your head all day--and where's it taking you? Today I'm talking about the basics of getting yourself from self-centered (our default state) to self-aware.

PS Are you joining us for the next First Year Married course?

This summer we're going back to basics and bringing you the oldies but goodies--our most popular and fundamental episodes. Don't stress about catching up on every past episode--if you need it, we're bringing it to you here.

Welcome back to you and me!!

Today we're talking about what shana rishona is really all about. It might not be what you think! (Plus a tool that can help you at any stage of your marriage.)

When the issue seems so big it can be hard to see the value of each small action. This week we're discussing the power of making small steps--whether in response to the war, in our marriages, or any area.

Also an update on the podcast, the Shalom for Shalom Project, and other ways to work on your marriage now.

This summer we're going back to basics and bringing you the oldies but goodies--our most popular and fundamental episodes. Don't stress about catching up on every past episode--if you need it, we're bringing it to you here.

This summer we're going back to basics and bringing you the oldies but goodies--our most popular and fundamental episodes. Don't stress about catching up on every past episode--if you need it, we're bringing it to you here.

This summer we're going back to basics and bringing you the oldies but goodies--our most popular and fundamental episodes. Don't stress about catching up on every past episode--if you need it, we're bringing it to you here.

This summer we're going back to basics and bringing you the oldies but goodies--our most popular and fundamental episodes. Don't stress about catching up on every past episode--if you need it, we're bringing it to you here.

This summer we're going back to basics and bringing you the oldies but goodies--our most popular and fundamental episodes. Don't stress about catching up on every past episode--if you need it, we're bringing it to you here.

This week I brought on my good friend Miriam Campbell for a fascinating discussion on how to connect to others when it's challenging. Sometimes we don't want to connect, or we are going through all the motions but we're not totally there. Listen to hear why this is all part of our process--a process we really do want to be engaged in.

Even if you have a great positive thought, if your nervous system has been hijacked and you're in fight or flight, that thought is just not going to stick. This week I'm introducing you to Nervous System 101. Our guest coach Ilana Kendal will be taking this much deeper inside of How to Glow in July!

When life is stressful, sometimes the last thing you think you can handle is supporting a struggling husband. Today I want to talk about some of the struggles I'm seeing a lot with the clients I work with and how fierce support can create a bedrock for your marriage you will be so grateful for in the decades to come.

The Business Trip Phenomenon: when your husband goes away and suddenly you are SUPER functional and do so much better than when he was home--WHY is that? Why can't you manage when he's around? And then, instead of him coming home and seeing how great you're doing, you totally fall apart. Has this ever happened to you?

Listen this week to hear why this happens and what you can do to have a smoother reunion after his trips, and what you can keep from the magical wonder-woman energy from when he was away (and what you shouldn't expect to carry over into your day-to-day life.)

This week we're taking a deep dive into BOUNDARIES. What does it really mean to "have no boundaries" and what do we do with those people in our lives who make us crazy because they don't respect our boundaries? How do we set a boundary and, most importantly, what if our own boundaries need some work?

Hey there! In this podcast episode, I want to talk to you about why it's so important to keep your phone out of the bedroom, especially when it comes to maintaining a healthy marriage. Now, I know that there's no one-size-fits-all approach to marriage advice, but I truly believe that every couple should design their own marriage and create a relationship that works for them.

In this episode, I explain that getting your phone out of the bedroom is a crucial step in maintaining your mental health and building intimacy with your partner. With social media and constant communication, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and anxious, which can disrupt your sleep and make it difficult to build strong relationships.

I also discuss the challenges of giving up your phone as an alarm clock, but emphasize the importance of making conscious decisions about the values you prioritize in your marriage. Ultimately, I hope this episode helps you take a step towards a healthier, happier, and more intimate marriage.

Hope sounds so nice, doesn't it? Except when it gets us into trouble. This week I'm unpacking this seemingly innocent emotion that can sometimes keep us stuck--and how to know when we're in a helpful hope or a not-so-helpful hope.

Whether infertility has personally affected you or not, it has a major impact on the Jewish community. Dr. Aimee Baron joined me to discuss the work behind her non-profit, I Was Supposed to Have A Baby, her own infertility journey, the many forms of infertility, and the ways that we can support and be sensitive to those going through this journey.

Learn more from Aimee here:

Check out what we'll be doing in May inside of the How to Glow Community.

If you're guilty of skipping meals in lieu of a coffee or regularly staying up too late but can't really get motivated to break those habits (or you can't even imagine why you'd want to), this interview is for you.

I had Lauren Allen, health coach with a focus on hormonal health, come on and give us some practical, real-life tips (and share her amazing story) so we can go from post-Pesach-blah (is it just me?) to feeling more energetic and focused.

Connect with Lauren:

For personal development junkies like us, sefira is kind of our time. It's the time when we put our awareness on different traits and check on how well they are integrated and serve us to be our best selves. So I invited Ruchi Koval to speak to us about how to realistically bring these ideas into our lives to take advantage of this spiritual opportunity.

Ruchi says, "It is the blending of the opposites that creates a sum that is greater than its parts... so I have achieved balance when I have integrated what about my spouse is different from me and can help me to become a more balanced person?"

I think the title pretty much sums it up.

If you're new here, please subscribe!

We're in the pre-Pesach home stretch and if you're looking to get your head on straight, Meira Spivak is your woman! Meira and I talk about the strategies in her book, How to Get Ready for Pesach in Five Days, and how we can set ourselves up for success without having to start cleaning before Chanukah.

Whether you have a tried-and-true system and are just looking for some tips or adjustments or you've never made Pesach and need to create a system from scratch, this interview will get you on track.

Resources:

Does self-improvement ever feel like so much work? Today I've got some really good news for you: you're already way further along than you realize.

This week I'm going to help you see the progress you've ALREADY made, even if you only just realized this area is something you want to work on.

This boost will give you the motivation you need, and deserve, to keep at it.

This is a LANDMARK episode for How to Glow because today's guest has had a tremendous influence on the way that I approach coaching and personal development for you all. Rebbetzin Miriam Kosman is a lecturer, teacher, and author of the book Circle, Arrow, Spiral and she joins me today to discuss what gender is all about in Jewish thought and how that might apply to us in our lives and relationships.