SelfCareSchool's Spam Filter for Your Brain

Drowning in money worries? In Episode 191, HeardinLondon applies the Spam Filter For Your Brain approach to expose the self-abandonment loop we get stuck in when scarcity thinking runs the show.

Most of us fixate on what we owe, what we lack, and what we can’t afford, rarely letting ourselves imagine feeling secure or resourced. HeardinLondon unpacks how rehearsing the idea of having enough - even in playful, practical ways - helps break this cycle and wakes up your creative brain.

This episode gently challenges the mindset that having money makes you a “bad person,” and instead reframes money as a resource for wider community care.

Expect real talk, not manifesting fluff: by the end, you’ll be able to name how money fear shuts down problem-solving, and you’ll have a simple practice to get out of survival mode and start imagining what could be possible.

Key Takeaways:

• Rehearse abundance, not just scarcity: suggests that unless we actually imagine and expand what it could feel like to have enough, we’re less likely to take steps towards that reality. Dreaming is the first creative action.

• Money doesn’t have to equal exploitation: Challenging the belief that accumulating wealth is inherently unethical, shares how having more resources can mean supporting others.

• Fear stifles creativity: Constant worry about money smothers our ability to envision and create new possibilities for ourselves and our communities. Shifting attention towards positive potential can increase our resourcefulness

Yes And: Techniques for Handling Conflicting Feelings - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 190

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Disrupting Negative Self-Talk and Tools for Conflicting Dialogue Without Losing Yourself

Key Takeaways:

• The Concept of Holding Conflicting Thoughts
• Recognising both narratives as valid experiences, not necessarily more true than the other
• The skill of deciding which thought-path to pursue

• The Importance of Noticing and Navigating Complexity
• The importance of Disrupting Unhelpful Thought Patterns
• Practical Examples of Reframing Thoughts

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon talks about: Setting Boundaries for Self-Care and Compassionate Living

• The Difference Between Boundaries and Rules
• Definitions of Boundaries and Rules
• The Responsibility of Holding Boundaries
• Application to Habits
• The Benefits of Boundaries over Rules
• Encouragement for Self-Compassion

The Impact of Money Mindset on Financial Wellbeing - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 188

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: From Criticism to Possibility: Changing Your Money Story

Key Takeaways:

1. Reflect on Your Own Money Story
   invites you to consider how you think and talk to yourself about money and whether you internalize beliefs that poverty is a personal failing, even if you don’t believe that about others.

2. Recognize the Social and Historical Context
   The podcast touches on how wealth and poverty are connected to broader issues like labor exploitation, global economies, and history - not just personal choices (01:14).

3. Shift from Self-Criticism to Possibilities
   You’ll learn why it’s important to move away from cycles of self-blame and instead ask, “What could be possible if things were different?” (02:56).

4. Your Mindset Directly Impacts Opportunities
   explains how the way you speak to yourself about money shapes not just your mental state, but also what you see as available and attainable in your life (04:31).

5. Access to Support and Resources is Vital

It's you. not me - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 187

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon talks about: Other People's Reactions Are About Them, Not About You

Key Takeaways:

1. Your reactions - and other people's reactions - stem from personal life experiences, influences, and stories built over time, not from your intrinsic value as a person 01:50.
2. When feeling triggered or rejected by someone’s actions, pause to reflect on what story this brings up for you. Is it validating a limiting belief you hold about yourself? Identifying this story is the first step toward growth 03:26.
3. Practicing self-awareness - writing down recurring thoughts and noticing where you may use others' actions against yourself - can help interrupt self-criticism and create more space for self-kindness and authentic connection 05:05.

This has to change - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 186

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Why Changing Circumstances Won’t Fix Your Feelings and What Actually Will

Key Takeaways:

• Your feelings don’t come from your circumstances.
  It’s not what happens around us that dictates our emotions, but our thoughts about those events.
• If you want to feel differently, start with your thoughts.
  Rather than rearranging your environment or waiting for external things to change shifting your mindset is what’s actually powerful.
• Identify the emotion you’re craving.
  Pinpoint the real emotion you’re seeking.
• Practice thoughts that serve you.
  Finding moments in your everyday life where you already feel the way you want.
• Make confidence and other positive emotions more accessible.
  Through identifying and rehearsing helpful thoughts daily, you can train your brain to make those emotions familiar - without waiting for life to change first.

"Finding your authentic self" is nonsense - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 185

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon talks about: The Problem with Authenticity: Rethinking How We Define Our True Selves

Key Takeaways:

1. The Myth of the Authentic Self
   Challenging the popular idea of finding your "authentic self," questioning whether this language is even helpful for most people and emphasising that it overlooks real-world complexities and safety concerns for many individuals,

2. Safety and Systemic Realities Matter
   One concept discussed was how being your "true self" isn’t always safe or possible for everyone, depending on their circumstances, environment, or identity. This notion debunks the idea that self-actualisation is a simple, universal goal.

3. You’re Not a Static Being
   A key theme that emerged was that you don’t have one fixed version of yourself hidden away, waiting to be revealed. Instead, you show up differently in various situations—and that’s perfectly human.

4. Less Self-Criticism, More Kindness
   The discussion explored how most people could do with less self-criticism and more kindness toward themselves, especially when reflecting on how they handle everyday situations or complicated relationships.

5. Growth Is a Practice, Not a Destination
   Several points were raised, including the idea that choosing your identity and how you respond is an ongoing practice—there’s no finish line or final “authentic self” to find. Embracing kindness and adaptability leads to a better experience than constantly searching for a perfect version of yourself.

Shame and the rise of the Far Right - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 184

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Self Care as Strategy: Shame, Emotions, and Resisting Far Right Politics

Key Takeaways:

1. Avoiding Uncomfortable Feelings Just Makes Them Louder

   • Shoving down discomfort, shame, or fear doesn’t make it go away—in fact, your brain just cranks up the volume. Having tools to notice and process emotions is what keeps you present and resourceful, rather than stuck in doom-scrolling or despair

2. Curiosity Is a Secret Weapon

   • When confronting bigotry or misinformation, curiosity (“Wait—have you ever actually seen that happen?”) is often more disarming—and more effective—than outrage or debate.

3. Emotional Resilience Makes Organising Possible

   • The ability to handle shame, embarrassment, or heated conversations without shutting down is crucial if you want to get involved, speak up, and make change—especially as hard-won rights are threatened

No more regrets - here's Your Next Chapter - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 183

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Sliding doors moments and life choices, and how we make peace with all of that.

Key Takeaways:

1. Sliding Doors Moments & Life Paths

• Theme: Reflecting on pivotal "what if" moments and alternative life choices.

• Theme: The tension between achieving what society defines as success (career, family, relationships) and the lingering sense that something is missing.

• Theme: Exploring feelings of regret, lost dreams, and the habit of suppressing those emotions.

• Takeaway: Rather than bullying ourselves into forced gratitude, Speaker A suggests the importance of acknowledging unmet hopes to move forward with peace and authenticity.

• Theme: The value of a supportive environment for sharing and processing difficult emotions about one’s past and future.

• Theme: Building a new chapter based on values, dreams, and conscious choices rather than regret.

Navigating Friendship Boundaries - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 182

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: How to Protect Your Energy in Overwhelming Friendships Without Guilt

Key Takeaways:

1. 1. Friendship Boundaries Aren’t One-Size-Fits-All
      You’ll explore why the classic “reciprocity” idea—keeping score of what you give and get—doesn’t necessarily build better friendships, and how valuing authenticity over expectations can lead to stronger connections.

   2. It’s Okay When People Show Up Differently
      Learn how friends have different skill sets for support and care, and why accepting how people naturally show up (rather than what you wish they’d do) can ease frustration and deepen relationships.

   3. Overgiving and People-Pleasing Can Drain Your Energy
      Hear real-life examples of how not speaking up for your needs—like following along with plans that don’t suit you—can leave you exhausted, and how to notice these patterns in your friendships.

   4. Building the ‘Boundary Muscle’ Takes Practice
      Get simple, practical language to try—like, “I’m sorry, that doesn’t work for my budget”—and see why regularly voicing your needs gets easier (and more vital) over time.

   5. Energy Audits: Check In With Yourself After Interactions
      Discover the power of quick post-hangout check-ins to assess how you feel—energized, drained, or neutral—and how these tiny “energy audits” can guide you toward more nourishing, joy-filled friendships.

Markers of adulthood: Expectations, possibilities, identity and loss - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 181

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Expectations versus reality in life and adulthood and what we do with all these feelings.

Key Takeaways:

• Life Markers and Societal Expectations
• Grieving and Reframing Unmet Expectations
• Values Alignment and Self-Judgement
• The Power of "Should" and Self-Authorship

Numbing Out (might not be the flex you think it is) - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 180

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Finding Agency by Observing Your Emotional Escape Routes

Key Takeaways:

1. Get Curious About Your Numbing Habits
   You'll learn how simply noticing when and how you check out—be it doomscrolling, Netflix binges, or organizing cupboards—can reveal a lot about what you're really trying to avoid in your day-to-day life.

2. Gentle Self-Inquiry, Not Judgment
   HiLy encourages swapping harsh self-critique for gentle curiosity. By asking yourself why you’re engaging in numbing behaviors, you unlock more choice in how you respond rather than feeling stuck on autopilot.

3. Small Steps Matter Most
   Self-care and emotional management don’t have to be overwhelming projects. This episode shows that even stopping for a moment to ask “What am I trying to avoid here?” is a powerful act of self-care.

4. Build Emotional Navigation Skills
   You’ll come away understanding how building the skill to notice and name your uncomfortable feelings is essential—not just for avoiding overwhelm, but for creating a life where you’re not constantly battling yourself.

5. Start Mapping Your Triggers
   You'll pick up a super practical starting point: When you catch yourself numbing out, pause to notice the feeling and the thought behind it. Over time, you’ll develop a clearer picture of the areas in your life that need a bit more care and compassion.

Why Your Brain Repeats Old Stories and How to Change the Pattern - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 177

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Why Thought Loops Happen and What You Can Do About Them

Key Takeaways:

• Thought loops are NOT a personal failing: Our brains are wired for shortcuts, often falling back on old, critical stories out of a drive to conserve energy—not because we lack willpower or insight.

• Progress isn’t always linear, and that’s okay: Each time you interrupt a negative pattern (even if you feel like you’re going in circles), you build new neural pathways for kinder self-talk and greater self-trust.
• Compassion is a skill, not luck: You don’t have to “brute-force” self-love. Even small moments of kindness toward yourself signal your brain that positive change is possible and worth repeating.

You Can't Control Other People's Emotions and How to Stop Trying - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 177

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: The Hidden Toll of People Pleasing on Your Own Wellbeing

Key Takeaways:

1. You can't manage other people's emotions. HeardinLondon shares that, despite our best people-pleasing efforts, we truly don’t have control over how others feel or think. Their emotions are shaped by their own life experiences, values, and circumstances.

2. People pleasing is often about avoiding our own uncomfortable feelings. Instead of facing discomfort like shame, guilt, or embarrassment, many of us try to control others’ responses to sidestep dealing with our own emotions.

3. Trying to keep everyone happy comes at a personal cost. Whether it's stretching yourself thin or putting your own needs last (or not even on the list!), these habits leave you exhausted and unsupported.

4. Allowing others to feel their emotions sets you free. When you stop trying to manage everyone’s thoughts and feelings, you gain energy, time, and space to focus on what matters most to you - including hobbies, friends, and self-care.

5. Learning to sit with your own emotions is a game changer. HeardinLondon invites you to explore what’s possible when you face your feelings instead of spending energy avoiding them. It's a powerful skill that unlocks more freedom and self-care.

The Power of Thoughts: How Your Mind Creates Happiness - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 176

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Reverse Engineering Happiness: Training Your Brain for Joy

Key Takeaways:

• 1. Happiness Starts in Your Mind
     It’s not the stuff or situations around us that make us happy - it’s our thoughts about them. Our emotions come from what’s going on in our heads, not just what’s happening outside.

  2. Everyone Reacts Differently
     The exact same event can make one person ecstatic and someone else miserable. Why? Because it’s not the circumstances, but our interpretation and thoughts about those circumstances that shape our feelings.

  3. You Can Decide How You Want to Feel
     Happiness isn’t something you stumble into. You can actually decide ahead of time how you want to feel about an event and start training your mind to look for reasons to support that emotion.

  4. Practice Makes Purposeful
     Building happiness is like strengthening a muscle—you can get better at it with practice. When you focus your attention and energy on the things that serve you, you’ll start to see your emotions follow your intentions.

  5. Plan Your Emotions, Don’t Let Them Surprise You
     Don’t wait for a tough situation to test your emotional resilience in the moment. Take time to plan and practice the thoughts and feelings you want to have, so you’re ready to handle any situation in a way that serves you best.

Escaping the Perfectionist’s Trap: Why Waiting for the Perfect Moment Holds You Back - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 175

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: B- and out the door: The Antidote for the Perfectionist’s Trap

Key Takeaways:

• 
  

• Recognising Hidden Perfectionism in Everyday Life

  • How people use life situations as excuses to delay self-nurturing or pursuing meaningful goals.

  • Common self-talk such as “I’ll do it when things calm down” as an example of hidden perfectionism.

  • The link between postponing positive actions and perfectionist tendencies.

  • The misconception that perfectionism means always getting everything exactly right.

    
    

    Perfectionism as a cover for procrastination.

  • The belief that nothing can start until every detail is perfect.

  • How this outlook prevents risk-taking and stepping into new opportunities or adventures.

  • The concept of “ideal situations” as a fantasy, rarely aligning in real life.

  • Emphasis on life being in constant flux—there’s rarely a perfect time for anything.

  • The importance of moving forward even when things are “good enough”.

  • The effectiveness of completing and starting projects rather than waiting for perfection.

  • The pitfalls of believing that external circumstances (weight, work, chaos) must be “right” before taking action on personal goals.

  • Encouragement to opt for real, imperfect opportunities instead of waiting for fantasy conditions.

  • Framing action as a worthy gamble on yourself and essential for growth and adventure.

  2. Redefining Perfectionism

  3. The Problem with Waiting for Ideal Circumstances

Just trust yourself is BS - Breaking Free From Self-Doubt: Stop Outsourcing Your Decisions - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 174

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Why Just Trusting Yourself Feels Impossible and What To Do About It

Key Takeaways:

1. 1. Why "Just Trust Yourself" Isn’t So Simple
      You’ll learn why the advice to “just trust yourself” isn’t as obvious or easy as it sounds, especially when most of us were actually socialised to do the complete opposite.

   2. Spotting Where Self-Trust Gets Undermined
      Discover how cultural messages—from school, religion, politicians, and the patriarchy—encourage us to defer to others and doubt our own instincts, often without us even realising it.

   3. Pausing and Noticing Your Outsourcing Habits
      HiLy shares practical steps to help you notice when you’re about to seek validation from others, and how to create space to hear what you actually think or want before outsourcing your decisions.

   4. Getting Clear on What You Want
      Find out how tuning in to what you would choose, if there were no consequences, can help you identify your true desires—whether or not you act on them—and why this is a vital step to self-trust.

   5. Self-Trust as a Radical Act
      See how reclaiming your inner authority is a bold rebellion against the forces pushing you off course, helping you set boundaries and steer your life in the direction you want.

Self-Love in Times of Rejection (or mate, you don't have to hate yourself) - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 173

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Navigating Self-Compassion When Facing Rejection: Compassionate Tools for Tough Times

Key Takeaways:

1. Rejection Hurts—and That’s Okay
   You’ll hear from HeardinLondon about how rejection is something we all experience (herself included), whether it’s in work, friendships, or relationships. You’ll learn that it’s normal to feel hurt, and that your brain is simply responding to old, deeply human wiring.

2. Spotting Old Stories & Inner Narratives
   Discover how to notice the stories you might be telling yourself after being rejected—stories like “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never succeed.” HeardinLondon walks you through a practical way to spot these recurring, unkind thoughts that can trip us up.

3. Holding Space for Dualities
   Self-love doesn’t mean denying your pain. You’ll learn an empowering tool: holding two truths at once. Maybe you feel rejected and hurt, but you’re also a caring friend, creative, or kind. HeardinLondon explains how making space for both realities softens the blow of rejection and gives you a steadier foundation.

4. Compassion as a First Aid Kit
   This episode shares a gentle practice—bring compassion and kindness to those hard stories. Notice the story, add a dose of self-kindness, and let your strengths and values anchor you during tough moments.

In Love and Rage - what to do with all this anger - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 172

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Navigating Anger and Hurt: Real Tools for Real Life Challenges

Key Takeaways:

• • Real-Life Tools for Tough Feelings: HeardinLondon gets honest about her own week, sharing how she uses the same emotional tools she teaches to move through pain, not to avoid it. You’ll learn how to process anger and hurt in a way that actually helps instead of repeating patterns that don’t serve you.
  • How to Sit with Anger (Without Losing Yourself): Rather than trying to squash big emotions, HeardinLondon walks you through how to safely let anger move through you—using writing, somatic practices, and language-awareness—so you don’t end up dumping it on others or judging yourself for feeling it.
  • Agency Over Your Responses: You’ll hear why feeling your feelings (especially rage and fury) allows you to respond with integrity, stay true to yourself, and choose who you want to be on the other side, instead of trying to change others so you can feel okay.
  • Loving Boundaries (That Actually Help): Find out how setting boundaries, not from resentment or judgment, but out of love and care for yourself, leads to better relationships and a more resourced, connected version of you.
  • Community Makes Healing Easier: HeardinLondon invites you to see the power of learning and witnessing others in a supportive community, reminding you that you’re not alone and that it’s totally normal to be figuring all this out as you go.

What Matters Most - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 171

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Using Your Core Question to Navigate Life’s Trials and Confusions

Key Takeaways:

1. 1. Define Your “Deathbed Question”: HeardinLondon invites you to zoom out and ask, “What’s the thing that’s most important to you?” This could be about love, honesty, helping others, or whatever legacy matters most personally. It’s a practical, soulful way to keep your values front and centre.

   2. Track Your Values in Everyday Life: Rather than letting life coast by, HeardinLondon shares how a single guiding question (like, “Am I bringing love here?”) becomes a personal barometer for daily choices and interactions. The episode offers simple prompts to refine your own “big question.”

   3. Turn Your Big Question Into Action: Once you know what matters, HeardinLondon nudges you to weave it into your decisions, habits, and relationships—so you’re genuinely living your values, not just thinking about them. The goal: answer your big question “with your full chest.”

   4. Navigate Fear of Regret: The episode tackles our very human fear of arriving at life’s end with regrets. HeardinLondon explains how aligning daily actions with core values helps build a life that feels authentic and regret-proof.

From Self-Doubt to Self-Love: Tools for Reclaiming Everyday Joy - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 170

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: how to tame your inner critic.

Key Takeaways:

1. The Power of a Thought Download
   HeardinLondon walks you through how a short thought download can help you uncover what’s really lurking in your mind and why getting it out matters.

2. Spotting Unhelpful Stories
   You’ll learn how sneaky, internalised messages can run the show in the background. HeardinLondon models how to pause, question, and gently challenge these thoughts instead of shaming yourself for having them.

3. Letting Go of the “Escalator” Mindset
   This episode introduces the idea of “escalator relationships” and the cultural pressure to be constantly building towards a specific happiness blueprint - house, partner, kids, career. You’ll hear why that endless striving keeps joy just out of reach, and what it looks like to step off the escalator.

4. Choosing Daily Joy (Not Perfection)
   If you’ve ever felt like “my life has gone wrong,” this is for you. HeardinLondon encourages seeking adventure and loving hard every single day, instead of waiting to be “done” and happy. You’ll walk away with practical tools and a fresh permission slip to love your actual, imperfect life - right now.

Scary Scarcity: Money, Time, and the Stories We Tell Ourselves - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 169

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Why Treating Time as Disposable Teaches You to Undervalue Yourself.

Key Takeaways:

1. Your relationship with time often mirrors your relationship with money.
   HeardinLondon shares insights from coaching calls, revealing that the ways we struggle with scarcity—whether it’s about not enough hours in the day or never enough in our bank accounts—are deeply linked. Recognising this pattern can be the first step to shifting out of chronic scarcity thinking.

2. Minimising your needs is a common thread.
   The urge to squeeze in "just one more thing" or undercharge for your work is often rooted in the belief that other people’s needs matter more than your own. HeardinLondon encourages you to notice where you’re shrinking yourself or postponing your own care, whether that’s about time, money, or even emotional energy.

3. Thought patterns around time and money are rarely about morality—they’re about resources.
   You’ll learn the power of reframing your self-talk: time and money aren't tests of your worth or goodness. They're tools you’re allowed to use for your own sustainability and growth, not just for everyone else.

How to Pause and Reset When You’re Spiralling - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 168

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: The practice of noticing and gently redirecting thoughts.

Key Takeaways:

• You Don’t Have to Believe Every Thought
  Not every thought our brain throws our way is true or helpful. We’re taught to believe our thoughts by default, but it’s okay—and even healthy—to question them.

• Catch Yourself Before You Spiral
  If you notice yourself heading down a familiar spiral, this episode offers compassionate ways to pause, notice, and gently redirect your thinking, instead of letting those patterns take over.

• Neutral, Kind, and Realistic Reframes
  Rather than forcing yourself into positivity, HeardinLondon shares simple, more neutral thoughts you can use, like “Of course I feel this way,” and “I can do one thing at a time.” These help take the sting out of overwhelm.

• Talk Back to Your Thoughts
  You can interrupt unhelpful thoughts with a little humor or curiosity—“Hey thought, not today,” or “That’s just a thought I’m having.” The key is finding what works for you and breaking the reflexive cycle.

• Four Questions to Gently Interrupt Unhelpful Patterns

The Grief of Productivity - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 167

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Finding Self-Worth Beyond Achievements

Key Takeaways:

1. How Productivity Shapes Self-Worth
   HeardinLondon explores how many of us tie our sense of worth to how much we achieve, whether at work, at home, or in our relationships. You’ll learn just how deeply these ideas can seep into everyday life—and why so many are beginning to question them.

2. The Grief of Letting Go
   Unlearning lifelong beliefs about productivity can feel destabilising, even like a loss. HeardinLondon discusses the confusion and grief that can surface when you try to define yourself outside of society’s metrics for “success.”

3. Finding Your ‘Why’ Beyond Achievement
   Get actionable insights on anchoring to your own values instead of external benchmarks. HeardinLondon invites you to ask: What do you truly value? What do you want to bring to the world, and what does the world need more (or less) of from you?

4. Building a Toolkit for Self-Compassion
   Learn why it’s essential to have resources to navigate the emotional side of redefining yourself, and how HeardinLondon recommends you manage those messy feelings and transitions.

5. You Don’t Need to Earn Your Existence
   This episode delivers a powerful reminder: Your worth isn’t conditional on productivity. However much you do, you’re worthy of love, care, and compassion—and by embodying that, you put more of it into the world.

Why Listen to This Episode?

practical advice on how to break up with productivity as your only measure of value. If you’ve ever felt lost doing “all the things,” this episode will help you rediscover ease.

Mate, you're not a burden: Transforming the Idea of Being Too Much - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 166

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: dimming your own light in friendships. Discover how showing up as your true self could transform your connections.

Key Takeaways:

• 1. Sharing Your Struggles Is Not "Being a Burden" You’ll learn why expressing your needs and asking for support from friends isn’t selfish; it can actually encourage true connection and vulnerability on both sides, leading by example and giving others permission to do the same.

  2. Taking Up Space Helps Others Too

     HeardinLondon explores how stepping back to let others take up space actually reinforces harmful beliefs about your own worth, and how embracing your needs helps others feel safe sharing theirs.

  3. The Myth of Altruism in Self-Silencing

     Discover how always putting others first might feel generous, but often stems from the idea that your problems are "too much." You’ll learn why justifying your own needs isn’t necessary and how it can hinder honest, trusting relationships.

  4. Showing Up Fully Nourishes Your Connections Hear how bringing your full self—including your struggles—into relationships deepens trust, connection, and mutual support. It’s about building relationships that truly align with your values, not just keeping the peace.

Stop all that exhausting finger pointing - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 165

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Discover the mindset shift that puts you back in control and helps untangle the drama and take back control.

Key Takeaways:

Stop Blaming Others for Your Problems

HeardinLondon shares how focusing on the stories about what other people are doing gives away your power. Instead of getting lost in "she said, he did," turn the focus back to yourself.

Ask: Why Is This a Problem for Me?

This little brain hack will help you skip the drama and really understand your own reactions. Get curious about what’s coming up for you, beyond the actions of others.

Find Your Agency and Control

When you monitor your own thoughts and emotions, you get to choose your responses—rather than letting someone else determine how you feel. It’s a direct path to greater self-power.

Untangle Your Stories

Discover how to unravel the beliefs and feelings that make other people’s behaviour feel so big. Is it a personal value, an old rule, or simply hurt? HeardinLondon guides you to notice your own patterns.

Create the Life and Relationships You Want

Bringing it all back to yourself helps you design your relationships, interactions, and the patterns you want going forward. Try out the trick in your own life and see how much presence and awareness you gain.

Why Listen to This Episode?

Ready to stop giving away your power? Tune in and let HeardinLondon show you how the simple shift to “keep it about you” makes all the difference.

Outsmarting the Just Quickly Trap: A Guide to Planning and Focus - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 164

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Why Sticking to Your Plan Matters

Key Takeaways:

• Plan Ahead & Stick to It: HeardinLondon highlights that making - and committing to - a daily plan is crucial for avoiding overwhelm and feeling in control.

• Understand Your Brain’s Tricks: Our brains are wired to seek pleasure and avoid discomfort. That “just quickly check Instagram” moment isn’t innocent - it’s your brain steering you off course and underestimating how long a distraction really takes.

• Notice & Interrupt the Dopamine Seeking: Practice catching yourself in the act of chasing quick wins at the expense of your real priorities. Noticing these moments is the first step to reclaiming your time and focus.

Why Listen to This Episode?

Once I stopped falling for my brain’s “just quickly…” scam and started respecting my own plans, my workdays actually began to feel doable.

Finding Focus: Three Essential Steps to Achieve Your Goals -Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 163

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Simple Strategies for Goal Success: Understanding Why, Breaking Down Tasks, and Embracing Imperfection

Key Takeaways:

• Find Your Why: Discover the power of understanding the real reason behind your goal. Knowing the emotion you're aiming to feel can be your ultimate motivator.
• Break it Down: Learn the magic of breaking your goals into small, manageable chunks. Small steps consistently taken lead to big leaps and boundless achievements.
• Ditch Perfectionism: Embrace imperfection and stop striving to get everything right. Perfectionism can stifle progress, so find ways to be kinder to yourself and allow room for mistakes.
• Consistency is Key: Hear why consistent effort, no matter how tiny, is your best friend on the journey to achieving any goal. Little actions add up to big results.
• Real-Life Applications: Understand how to apply these steps to everyday scenarios, whether your goals are grand or simple, like getting out of the house more often or tackling a big career milestone.

Navigating Christmas: Self-Care, Comfort, and Acknowledging What You Need Today - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 162

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Discover gentle ways to care for yourself on a day that isn't focused on always being merry.

Key Takeaways:

• 1. Christmas Doesn’t Have to Feel Merry
     You’re not alone if the holidays feel a little hollow, loud, or missing something you can’t quite name. HeardinLondon talks openly about the quiet kind of loneliness people sometimes experience—even when surrounded by others.

  2. Name What’s Really True for You
     Instead of forcing festive feelings, HeardinLondon encourages listeners to honestly acknowledge how they feel—whether that’s frustration, sadness, or just feeling out of place. There’s strength in giving your feelings a little air.

  3. Small Tasks Can Ground You
     If today feels overwhelming, set yourself a simple, achievable task: boil a kettle, step outside for a moment, or cozy up with a blanket. These small acts can remind you that you’re present and have choices, no matter what’s going on.

  4. Notice Beautiful Things (and Let Them Count)
     You don’t have to fake gratitude—but if something gentle or lovely appears (a robin, a shadow, a non-Christmas tune on the radio), HeardinLondon invites you to simply notice it. It might just help you find a bit of peace or presence in your day.

Why Listen to This Episode?

This episode is a gentle reminder: your worth isn’t measured by how you “do Christmas.”

Winter Solstice from HeardinLondon and Self Care School - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 161

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) veers off course and reads you a letter of delight.

But I don't want to go to the party - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 161

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Stop Saying Yes Just to Please Others

Key Takeaways:

1. Notice Your "Shoulds"
   You'll learn how to spot the language of obligation in your everyday life—words like "have to," "must," and "should"—and see how they feel in your body. HeardinLondon guides you in swapping those out for "I choose to," creating space for genuine self-checks over automatic people-pleasing.

2. Most Pressure Is Internal
   Discover how much of the pressure you feel to say yes or keep others happy actually comes from inside your own head, not just from others. HeardinLondon breaks down how the internal voice is often much louder than any external expectations.

3. Why Some "Shoulds" Hurt More Than Others
   You'll learn the trick to realising that something only stings—like someone pushing you to go to a party—when it matches an insecurity or story you’re already telling yourself. If it’s not something you agree with, it won’t bother you.

4. Guilt Comes from Your Thoughts, Not the Situation
   This episode teaches you that the guilt or pressure to meet expectations isn’t about the actual ask, but about your own thoughts and beliefs around reliability and "being a good" friend, sibling, or child.

Why Listen to This Episode?

Ever catch yourself saying “yes” to things you don’t actually want to do? 😅

HeardinLondon dives right into why we end up at parties (or plans!) out of obligation, and how you can start breaking the burnout cycle by checking in with your needs.

Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 159

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: How to Turn Down Your Inner Critic to Build a Kinder World

Key Takeaways:

1. How Self-Talk Shapes Your Life
   You’ll discover why the way you speak to yourself matters - not just for your own wellbeing, but for the world you’re helping to create. HeardinLondon invites you to notice when your inner critic pops up, and offers practical ways to pause and rethink those patterns.

2. Unpacking Where Your Critical Voice Comes From
   Instead of blaming yourself for having negative inner talk, you’ll be encouraged to question where these voices originated. Who are you actually parroting? Whose messaging is getting amplified when you’re hard on yourself?

3. Regaining Your Power Through Kindness
   HeardinLondon explains that criticising yourself undermines the agency and compassion you can bring to the world. Showing yourself more kindness isn’t just good for you - it interrupts wider systems of oppression and makes space for more generosity.

Why Listen to This Episode?

If you’ve ever felt held back by your own inner critic, or found yourself echoing negative self-beliefs you can’t quite trace, this episode is your gentle reality check. Learn to recognise, interrupt, and ultimately change the way you talk to yourself—so you can thrive, contribute, and live more fully.

Remember: You’re not alone, you’re worthy of kindness, and it’s possible to rewrite your story—one thought at a time.

Listen now and start building the world you want to see, inside and out.

Stop Shoulding All Over Yourself - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 158

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Uncovering Hidden Obligations in Your Everyday Life

Key Takeaways:

1. 
   

   • “Should” as a clue to internal stories about what you feel obliged to do

   • Noticing where choices exist, versus feeling trapped or obligated

   • Acknowledging societal structures that enforce obligations and consequences

   • Identifying the source of your obligations by asking:

     • Who taught me this?

     • Do I like it?

     • What are the consequences if I don’t do it?

     • Do I choose this?

   • Replacing “should” with “want” to gain insight into true desires and motivations

   • Checking in with your body’s signals as a way to build trust with yourself

   7. Actionable Disruption: Replacing “Should” with “Want”

   • Each time “should” arises, ask: “Do I want this?”

   • Using the word “should” as a mindful cue (like a Buddhist bell) to pause and realign with personal values

Shrinking Yourself or Expanding Your Heart: The Dangers of Staying Nostalgic - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 157

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: How to Stop Settling and Start Reaching for Your Wildest Dreams

Key Takeaways:

1. 1. The Danger of Optimism and Cultural Attitudes

   • The tendency to avoid getting excited about the future

   • Cultural sayings like “don’t put all your eggs in one basket”

   • The idea of keeping oneself slightly disappointed as a form of self-protection

   • Reflection on whether this attitude is self-sabotaging or unnecessarily pessimistic

   2. Nostalgia vs. Optimism

   • How our brains can be wired to see the past as the peak of our experiences

   • Common nostalgic anchors (relationships, friendships, places, jobs, finances)

   • The difficulty of applying past joy or optimism to the future

   • Proposing the idea that the best of the past can be a starting point, not the pinnacle

   3. Growth and Building on Past Experiences

   • Viewing life as a process of learning and growth

   • The metaphor of eggs and baskets: challenging the idea of holding back opportunities

   • Advocating for boldness: “put all your eggs in one basket, and if it breaks, get a new basket”

   • The concept that settling is often about self-protection

   4. The Emotional Cost of Limiting Ourselves

   • How fear of negative emotions holds us back from going after what we really want

   • The need for a toolkit to process and experience emotions rather than avoid them

   • The connection between emotional resilience and willingness to pursue goals

   5. The Practice of Expanding Capacity to Receive

   • Developing trust in oneself and in life’s unfolding

   • The belief that life works out in one’s favour, and its benefits

   • Taking risks beyond what’s currently imaginable, compared to only choosing safe, known options

Reclaiming Yourself in Every Relationship - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 156

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: where we lose ourselves in relationships and beyond.

Key Takeaways:

1. Every Interaction Is a Relationship
   HeardinLondon invites us to rethink what “relationships” mean—whether it’s with friends, coworkers, or even casual acquaintances. Any time you interact with another human, you’re creating a relationship dynamic, and these insights apply to them all.

2. Ditch the Rule Book for Others
   It’s easy to get lost in what you believe others “should” do. This episode will help you step away from focusing on other people’s actions and redirect your energy to what truly matters: your own desires, needs, and values.

3. Reclaim Your Power By Asking: Who Do I Want to Be?
   Instead of letting someone else’s behaviour dictate your feelings and responses, you’ll learn how empowering it can be to centre your focus on who you want to be in any given relationship.

4. Your Relationship With Yourself Is the Most Important
   No matter the situation, the episode reminds us that the connection you build with yourself is the one that lasts a lifetime. HeardinLondon highlights how taking responsibility for your values and your reactions brings you “home” to yourself.

5. Happiness Isn't Found in Controlling Others
   Trying to mould other people so you feel happier only leads to frustration. You’ll discover that true satisfaction comes from responding in alignment with your core values, ethics, and desires—not from chasing someone else’s approval or actions.

Choosing on Purpose: Aligning Your Decisions with Values - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 155

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) asked the question: Breaking Free from the Past: Building Optimism and Trust in Yourself

Key Takeaways:

• The tendency to avoid getting excited about the future
• The idea of keeping oneself slightly disappointed as a form of self-protection
• Viewing life as a process of learning and growth
• How fear of negative emotions holds us back from going after what we really want
• Taking risks beyond what’s currently imaginable

Is Your To-Do List Just an Avoidance Strategy? Rethinking Busyness and Emotional Wellbeing - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 155

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: What Are You Really Avoiding with Your Endless To-Do List?

Key Takeaways:

• Breaking Free from Hyper Productivity: Rest as Resistance in Your Busy Life

• Are You Using Busyness to Escape Your Feelings? Time to Pause and Check In

• Dismantling Productivity Culture: Embracing Rest and Reclaiming Your Time

Stop Pretending You’re Not Judgmental (and what to do instead) - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 154

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: The Myth of Being Nonjudgmental and Why Curiosity Matters Mor

Key Takeaways:

Turning Self-Judgment Into Growth

Why We Can’t Escape Judgment—And How to Use It for Good

Rethinking Judgment: Becoming More Inclusive Through Self-Awareness

Moving From Overwhelm to Empowerment: Real-Life Boundaries That Matter - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 153

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Boundaries in Action: Protecting Your Time, Health, and Relationships

Key Takeaways:

• Why Ignoring Boundaries Leads to Burnout and Overwhelm
• Simple Everyday Strategies for Setting Empowering Boundaries
• The misconception that boundaries are selfish

Choosing on Purpose: Aligning Your Decisions with Values - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 152

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) asked the question: Making Conscious Choices Instead of Running on Autopilot

Key Takeaways:

• Tuning Into Yourself for Better Decision Making
• Making Decisions the Intentional and Regret-Free Way
• Small Steps to Aligned Choices and Big Outcomes
• The Art of Quick, Values-Based Decision Making

Do you Always Put Yourself Last? Breaking the Habit of Self-Sacrifice - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 151

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) asked the question: Are you secretly putting yourself last—and is it quietly holding you back more than you think?

Key Takeaways:

• Consequences of Chronic Self-Sacrifice
• What to do with this lost sense of self
• How we undermine our personal values
• How prioritising our needs teaches others to do the same.

Escaping the Urgency Trap: Making Decisions Without Panic - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 150

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Emotional Urgency vs Real Danger: Rewiring Your Brain’s Response

Key Takeaways:

• The Urgency of Problems and Emotional Control
• Action vs. Emotion
• The Myth of the “Right” Choice
• Urgency as a Mask for Responsibility
• Building Emotional Literacy
• Allowing Discomfort and Its Possibilities

Body Kindness: The Freedom and Power of Letting Go of Body Self-Criticism - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 149

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: Reclaiming Your Time and Joy by Freeing Yourself from Body Criticism

Key Takeaways:

• The Pervasive Role of Body Image in Life
• The Importance of Body Safety and Kindness
• Moving Beyond the Ideal of Perfect Body Love
• The Costs of Negative Body Obsession

From Avoidance to Acceptance: Breaking the Cycle of Negative Feelings - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 148

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about:

Escaping Discomfort or Learning From It: The Emotion Dilemma

Key Takeaways:

• Why Sitting With Negative Emotions Leads to Growth
• From Avoidance to Acceptance
• Transforming Emotional Pain Into Personal Growth

Other People Hate it When You Set Boundaries - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 147

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about:

Decision Making Demystified: Embracing Uncertainty With Compassion

Key Takeaways:

• The Myth of Certainty in Decision Making
• The Illusion of an Ideal “Post-Decision” Life
• The Role of Imagination in Decision-Making
• Planning for Emotional Resilience

Letting Go of Certainty: The Art of Making Confident Decisions - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 146

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about:

Decision Making Demystified: Embracing Uncertainty With Compassion

Key Takeaways:

• The Myth of Certainty in Decision Making
• The Illusion of an Ideal “Post-Decision” Life
• The Role of Imagination in Decision-Making
• Planning for Emotional Resilience

Four Powerful Questions to Transform How You Feel About Your Body - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 145

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about:

Breaking Free from Old Body Narratives

Key Takeaways:

• Interrupting Negative Self-Talk
• Cultivating Body Compassion
• Stop Negative Body Patterns

Losing Weight Won't Make You Feel Happy - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 144

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: The Truth About Body Image: Your Thoughts Matter More Than Your Size

Key Takeaways:

• Feeling Better in Your Skin Starts with Kindness, Not Weight Loss
• Breaking the Cycle of Negative Self-Talk Around Body Image
• The Sneaky Thoughts Sabotaging Your Self-Confidence

The One Core Thought Fueling Your Stress and How to Shift It - Spam Filter For Your Brain - Episode 143

On this episode of Spam Filter for Your Brain, HeardinLondon (that's me, but I speak in a weird third person for the algorithm) talks about: How to Quiet Your Inner Critic and Start Believing You Are Enough

Key Takeaways:

• Why Most of Your Problems Stem from One Belief and How to Break Free
• Why Your Brain Keeps Returning to the Same Unhelpful Patterns
• How to Recognise and Transform the Foundational Stories You Tell Yourself