Ex-Gifted

You can also find me at https://instagram.com/chaotic.organized on Instagram and https://chaoticorganized.com for more executive dysfunction tips and commiseration.

—

Music

Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were placed on pedestals and alienated from our peers.

Ex-Gifted will cover failure, procrastination, imposter syndrome, and chronic anxiety and depression, and a whole lot more.

Each episode also offers suggestions to deal with your executive dysfunction in adulthood so you can rebuild the systems that allowed you to shine so brightly in childhood.

We’re making exceptional children into functional adults.

Thanks!

• think about planning style (more strict or less)
• don't start with a plan. Planning is exciting, but following the plan often isn't. Starting with an elaborate plan can kill any interest in picking up your planner every day. In the beginning, productivity comes second to actually using your planner.
• track your time (but only temporarily)
• Check out my post on the ABCs of time management to learn more about time blocking.
• rolling weekly (can be used in a bullet journal or any planner with enough space to make it)
• Intention-setting can be systematized to some degree in order to use it more effectively, without turning it into an overbearing task list. This is especially useful when you're just getting started by boosting your results early on, instead of just kind of flapping about, forgetting about your intentions almost as soon as you set them.
• Future you is a pal. You need to always take care of future you.
• Schedule time to plan
• Think about the buckets of your life and the tasks you need to do for each. (home, personal, family, work, friends, school, etc...)
• consider keeping a record of all the recurring things in each bucket (can work great for the rolling to-do list)
• feel free to sketch a plan on a sheet of paper, or in a rocketbook before committing it to your planner
• but also don't be afraid to make mistakes. Go to the last page and create a pen test page (little coffee fox has some great tips for getting started - skip to the end to see how she recommends to deal with fear of getting started) or a grid spacing page. If you start with something kind of ugly and purely functional, you'll feel less paralyzed when it comes to messing something up later on
• erasable pens (Frixion)
• If your current planner style isn't quite working, or if it's feeling too stale, try something new on the next page instead of trying to push through. Don't fix what isn't broken, but don't hold onto something just because it used to work.
• If you're using a preprinted planner, think of your planner pages more as....suggestions...than actual rules you need to stick to. Ignore parts that don't work, or change them to something that does work.
• if color coding really isn't your thing, use a different code - symbols/signifiers, columns/boxes, etc... There are ways to separate your tasks without use of the Multicolor pen.
• brain dump daily or weekly (as needed or as your planner allows) and translate this into to-do lists. Not everything in your brain needs to go on the to-do list
• Consider using more checklists to proactively help you remember what to do, and fewer trackers to retroactively judge what you did (or didn't do) Trackers are still great for...

You can also find me at https://instagram.com/chaotic.organized on Instagram and https://chaoticorganized.com for more executive dysfunction tips and commiseration.

—

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

Host Ren Eliza talks about...

1. YouTube video for this episode

2. How to ADHD Bullet Journaling

3. WheezyWaiter explains what Bullet Journaling ACTUALLY is

4. Printable vertical weekly planner

5. ABCs of Time Management (where you can sign up for the time management 5 day email course with time tracker workbook)

6. Tara’s awesome Obsidian tips

7. Digital/analog planning with Rocketbook

Problem: You need a planner, but they’ve never worked for you in the past and you don’t know what kind of planners are good for your brain

Solution: It’s a myth that certain types of planners only work for neurotypicals and other types work well for all ND people (or even all people with your exact diagnosis.) You need a planner style that addresses your individual struggles and fits your current needs, which may change over time.

Some people with Executive Dysfunction have a hard time with lots of extra bits to do every day, so if this is you, you might want to get a more free-form planner instead of one with lots of trackers and prompts built into the pages, making your planner feel like homework (which you then avoid.) Other people with ExD really love the hand-holding and being told exactly what is supposed to go in which spot, which means a planner with lots of extra blanks and prompts and questions will work great for you!

If you’re not sure which type you are, don’t fret if you choose the wrong type at first! Leaving prompts unanswered is not a problem - cover it up with a sticker if you want. If you need prompts you don’t have, look up some templates so you can write in your own for things like schedule, gratitude, or trackers.

Developing your own planner style isn’t something that is figured out ahead of time so you can stick with it forever. You guess, practice, iterate, practice again, evolve, and just keep going.

1. What size do you want?

- bigger (A5 or up) gives more space, but more space can feel overwhelming

- smaller is easier to carry anywhere - crucial when you’re still learning not to forget your planner

- small spaces serve as a practical limit to how much you can demand of yourself each day

2. Digital or analog (Or both)?

- digital is always with you, but it can be harder to navigate or find things once you’ve forgotten them. There’s also no natural limits to what you keep

- analog is harder (still not impossible) to ignore because it exists physically. Bookmarks and tabs make it easy to find your spot, and you can flip through pages to remind yourself of things you didn’t even remember writing down.

- each has benefits, but many of the perceived strengths of digital are actually weaknesses. If you've been trying digital and just can't figure out why it won't work, give analog a shot even if you really don't think it's right for you

3. Dated or undated?

- dated and laid out pages can be a huge convenience, or a huge guilt trip...

In this Episode: My discord community!

Bullet Journaling with ADHD on Facebook

Problem: Those of us who would love to "just use a planner" - that is, if we could keep it up more than 3 days without losing it or entirely forgetting it even exists.

Solution: Make simply remembering that your planner exists your number 1 priority when you first start using a planner. Just pick it up. Just look at it. Just carry it with you. Do this every day, even if you don't actually make any plans in it!

Specific tips:

1. Set reminders on your phone, or on post-its around the house, to look at your planner at least once a day.
2. Habit stacking - put your planner near something else that you do every day, like making coffee, changing your socks, or even put it on top of your charging phone, to make it harder to forget.
3. Use a Tile or other tracking device so that you can't lose your planner under the bed or in the couch cushions anymore.

Bonus tip: For the first week or two, give yourself a sticker every day you use your planner. And yes, just picking up the book and putting in the sticker counts.

You can also find me at https://instagram.com/chaotic.organized on Instagram and https://chaoticorganized.com for more executive dysfunction tips and commiseration.

—

Music

Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

_

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were placed on pedestals and alienated from our peers.

Ex-Gifted will cover failure, procrastination, imposter syndrome, and chronic anxiety and depression, and a whole lot more.

Each episode also offers suggestions to deal with your executive dysfunction in adulthood so you can rebuild the systems that allowed you to shine so brightly in childhood.

We’re making exceptional children into functional adults.

Thanks!

Join my email list and download my time tracking workbook for free.

Time tracking apps:

(These apps have a free option, but if you choose to sign up for a paid plan using my link I may earn a small commission at no cost to you!)

Toggl (my FAVORITE and with so many features in their free plan!)

RescueTime

Problem: You don't have enough time to do the things that matter, but your time seems to just get sucked down the drain by pointless things. Often you even look back at the day and can't figure out where all the time went!

Solution: To start off, just notice and name your time sinks. Use time tracking, even if just for 3 days (consider using an app if a lot of your time seems to be on your phone or computer) so you can get a better picture of where your time is currently going.

To actually gain some of that time back, here's three simple methods you can try, from most chaotic to most organized.

• Intentions
• 10 minute timer
• Schedule

Setting intentions (without the other two methods) is peak chaotic time management. This is GREAT for people who feel restricted by things like calendars and checklists. It's all about vibes - not necessarily the specific actions you want to take, but a general focus or feeling for the day. Early on in the day, spend just a few quiet minutes to yourself to decide what you want your day to revolve around, and then remind yourself throughout the day - using post-its, notifications, or even a note scrawled on the back of your hand!

Setting a 10 minute timer, where you work on ANYTHING intentional (housework, reading, playing with kids, exercising, painting, journaling - literally anything that is part of what you value) is great because it takes such little time on a daily basis, but over the course of a week, it adds more than an hour of working toward your goals. And even if you forget til the end of the day, it only takes 10 minutes to get it done.

Finally, you have the option to schedule your intentional time right into the calendar. When the time comes around, you put down the phone or otherwise pull yourself away from the drain and spend the dedicated time working on something intentional, then go back to whatever you were doing before without judgment.

These methods can also be combined in any way you want. You can schedule in 10 minutes to work on the intention you set in the morning, for example - or you can use any one method on its own.

Check out the rest of my Ko-Fi page! It’s been redesigned and I’m posting so much over there as I work on moving to a new website. I’m hosting challenges, posting previews for blog posts in progress, and of course uploading the video versions of this podcast right here. And the challenges are entirely free for anyone following along while they’re currently active!

I also have new membership options. The natural 20 membership is ridiculous and includes the entire roleplanning system catalog, plus ongoing membership in the Quest for Chaos with a 1-on-1 session and weekly small-group sessions, plus a private podcast, plus a ton of other stuff.

The natural 1 membership is for normal people and only costs $1 a month, but still unlocks every single post that you can only get otherwise with a minimum of a $3 donation, as well as the challenges and on-demand content in the Members Hub.

Join the Natural 1 membership for only $1/month!

And all monthly subscribers at either level will get a shoutout at the end of each episode of...

Get the 2022 roleplanning journal for 10% off with the code SMOL

Problem: Things feel too big for it to even be worth it to get started on them. And jumping from task to task is too inefficient.

Solution: A simple reframe in favor of taking the smallest step that can move you forward instead of tackling big projects in their entirety (sometimes - when appropriate for your brain and your to-do list.)

When your focus is too slippery to hold onto anyway, trying to force yourself to stay on task can end up meaning that you lose even more time to the void than you do in the endless stream of transitions bouncing between tasks, as long as you a) don't resist the bounce and b) appreciate the increased activity and literal steps you take throughout the day when you focus on lots of small things instead of one or two big things.

Check out my Ko-Fi page! It’s been redesigned and I’m posting so much over there as I work on moving to a new website. I’m hosting challenges, posting previews for blog posts in progress, and of course uploading the video versions of this podcast right here. And the challenges are entirely free for anyone following along while they’re currently active!

I also have new membership options. The natural 20 membership is ridiculous and includes the entire roleplanning system catalog, plus ongoing membership in the Quest for Chaos with a 1-on-1 session and weekly small-group sessions, plus a private podcast, plus a ton of other stuff.

The natural 1 membership is for normal people and only costs $1 a month, but still unlocks every single post that you can only get otherwise with a minimum of a $3 donation, as well as the challenges and on-demand content in the Members Hub.

Join the Natural 1 membership for only $1/month!

And all monthly subscribers at either level will get a shoutout at the end of each episode of Ex-Gifted!

My current goal is to reach a lofty $120 in a single month. This is approximately my monthly budget for podcast hosting, web hosting, email service, and all those other little things that add up. Once I reach that point – I’m having a party and will look forward to putting out some rewards and coming up with some kind of fun goal other than just breaking even.

You can also find me at https://instagram.com/chaotic.organized on Instagram and https://chaoticorganized.com for more executive dysfunction tips and commiseration.

—

Music

Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were placed on pedestals and alienated from our peers.

Ex-Gifted will cover failure, procrastination, imposter syndrome, and chronic anxiety and depression, and a whole lot more.

Each episode also offers suggestions to deal with your executive dysfunction in adulthood so you can rebuild the systems that allowed you to shine so brightly in childhood.

We’re making exceptional children into functional adults.

Thanks!

Chaotic Organized Discord server 

Problem: You have an ocean of attention that never seems to flow in the direction you want it to go 

Solution: By engaging your physical senses, the mind becomes easier to direct. In this way, it's sometimes possible to bring on hyper focus, or the flow state. 

Some ideas for sensory engagement 

Sound: instrumental music (or music in a language you don't know IF you don't know the lyrics), binaural waves, ambient sounds 

Smell: candle, coffee or tea, chewing gum 

Taste: coffee or tea, chewing cum 

Touch: fidget toy - purchased or homemade, a smooth stone, putty, a pen, literally anything 

Sight: watch your candle, watch your fidget, close your eyes and visualize your work project (helpful for art, making videos, writing fiction, etc...) 

When my senses are all engaged, and my mind is focused on what I want to write, after a few minutes, my mind can't hold back any more. It's like an itch in the back of my brain that I have to scratch immediately, and only writing can scratch that itch. 

Check out the rest of my Ko-Fi page! It’s been redesigned and I’m posting so much over there as I build content for my new website. I’m hosting challenges, posting previews for blog posts in progress, and of course uploading the video versions of this podcast right here. And the challenges are entirely free for anyone following along while they’re currently active! 

I also have new membership options. The natural 20 membership is ridiculous and includes the entire roleplanning system catalog, plus ongoing membership in the Quest for Chaos with a 1-on-1 session and weekly small-group sessions, plus a private podcast, plus a ton of other stuff. 

The natural 1 membership is for normal people and only costs $1 a month, but still unlocks every single post that you can only get otherwise with a minimum of a $3 donation, as well as the challenges and on-demand content in the Members Hub. Join the Natural 1 membership for only $1/month! And all monthly subscribers at either level will get a shoutout at the end of each episode of Ex-Gifted! 

My current goal is to reach a lofty $120 in a single month. This is approximately my monthly budget for podcast hosting, web hosting, email service, and all those other little things that add up. Once I reach that point – I’m having a party and will look forward to putting out some rewards and coming up with some kind of fun goal other than just breaking even. 

You can also find me at https://instagram.com/chaotic.organized on Instagram and https://chaoticorganized.com for more executive dysfunction tips and commiseration. 

— 

Music Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod 

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune 

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license 

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast: 

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast. Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. 

Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were...

Dr. K on motivation (CW for problematic language in linked video, probably)

Problem: There's stuff you have to do but just don't want to do

Solution: Figuring out why I do want to do something works way better for me than just pushing through, trying to convince or cajole myself, or "waiting until motivation strikes"

When there's something I really need to do, it usually comes with rewards or consequences. This means I can have a conversation where I actually talk myself through my thoughts, motivations, and underlying assumptions - without actually pressuring myself or trying to "talk myself into it" by instead just asking questions and getting curious. Once I give up on the story that "I don't want to do this" (which is untrue anyway, since I want to gain the reward or avoid the consequence), it becomes much easier to get started.

And when there's something that I don't need to do, but am just pushing it on myself because of societal expectation - like folding laundry - I just don't do it.

I'm a grown adult which means that nobody gets to say how things work in my house but me. (Well...me and my partner, who knows how to fold his own clothes because he's also a grown up) But that also means that there's nobody to do the things I want done but me (and again, my partner.) If having the dishes piled up is stressing me out, and I want them washed and put away, then I necessarily want to wash the dishes - since there's no other way for them to get washed. And I care about myself and want to do nice things to take care of me.

Realizing that there's a difference between being motivated to do something, and being inspired to do it, has made it easy for me to give up on waiting for that feeling because I know there's nothing inspiring about doing housework. Simply the motivation that is the reward of having a house that is nice to exist in can be enough.

Check out the rest of my Ko-Fi page! It’s been redesigned and I’m posting so much over there as I work on moving to a new website. I’m hosting challenges, posting previews for blog posts in progress, and of course uploading the video versions of this podcast right here. And the challenges are entirely free for anyone following along while they’re currently active!

I also have new membership options. The natural 20 membership is ridiculous and includes the entire roleplanning system catalog, plus ongoing membership in the Quest for Chaos with a 1-on-1 session and weekly small-group sessions, plus a private podcast, plus a ton of other stuff.

The natural 1 membership is for normal people and only costs $1 a month, but still unlocks every single post that you can only get otherwise with a minimum of a $3 donation, as well as the challenges and on-demand content in the Members Hub.

Join the Natural 1 membership for only $1/month!

And all monthly subscribers at either level will get a shoutout at the end of each episode of Ex-Gifted!

My current goal is to reach a lofty $120 in a single month. This is approximately my monthly budget for podcast hosting, web hosting, email service, and all those other little things that add up. Once I reach that point – I’m having a party and will look forward to putting out some rewards and coming up with some kind of fun goal other than just breaking even.

You can also find me at https://instagram.com/chaotic.organized on Instagram and https://chaoticorganized.com for more executive dysfunction tips and...

You can also find me at https://instagram.com/chaotic.organized on Instagram and https://chaoticorganized.com for more executive dysfunction tips and commiseration.

—

Music

Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. Damage...

1. Remind myself "I can stand up." I pick the smallest step I can take toward my goals and do just that one small thing. Usually this makes following steps a lot easier.
2. Instead of trying (and failing) to talk myself into something, I take some advice from Mel Robbins and count down from 5, then go ahead and get moving.
3. For things that just aren't working, I practice productive procrastination and do something else instead. Letting my chaos demon take the steering wheel for a bit - instead of thinking about how I can't do the thing I should do or distracting myself with social media - means that I take some action on something important to me. Even though it's not the thing I thought I should be doing.

Check out my Ko-Fi page! It’s been redesigned and I’m posting so much over there as I work on moving to a new website. I’m hosting challenges, posting previews for blog posts in progress, and of course uploading the video versions of this podcast right here. And the challenges are entirely free for anyone following along while they’re currently active!

I also have new membership options. The natural 20 membership is ridiculous and includes the entire roleplanning system catalog, plus ongoing membership in the Quest for Chaos with a 1-on-1 session and weekly small-group sessions, plus a private podcast, plus a ton of other stuff.

The natural 1 membership is for normal people and only costs $1 a month, but still unlocks every single post that you can only get otherwise with a minimum of a $3 donation, as well as the challenges and on-demand content in the Members Hub.

Join the Natural 1 membership for only $1/month!

And all monthly subscribers at either level will get a shoutout at the end of each episode of Ex-Gifted!

Find it all at https://ko-fi.com/reneliza

My current goal is to reach a lofty $120 in a single month. This is approximately my monthly budget for podcast hosting, web hosting, email service, and all those other little things that add up. Once I reach that point – I’m having a party and will look forward to putting out some rewards and coming up with some kind of fun goal other than just breaking even.

You can also find me at https://instagram.com/chaotic.organized on Instagram and https://chaoticorganized.com for more executive dysfunction tips and

Join the Natural 1 membership for only $1/month!

---

Check out my Ko-Fi page! It's been redesigned and I'm posting so much over there as I work on moving to a new website. I'm hosting challenges, posting previews for blog posts in progress, and of course uploading the video versions of this podcast right here. And the challenges are entirely free for anyone following along while they're currently active!

I also have new membership options. The natural 20 membership is ridiculous and includes the entire roleplanning system catalog, plus ongoing membership in the Quest for Chaos with a 1-on-1 session and weekly small-group sessions, plus a private podcast, plus a ton of other stuff.

The natural 1 membership is for normal people and only costs $1 a month, but still unlocks every single post that you can only get otherwise with a minimum of a $3 donation, as well as the challenges and on-demand content in the Members Hub.

And all monthly subscribers at either level will get a shoutout at the end of each episode of Ex-Gifted!

Find it all at https://ko-fi.com/reneliza

My current goal is to reach a lofty $120 in a single month. This is approximately my monthly budget for podcast hosting, web hosting, email service, and all those other little things that add up. Once I reach that point - I'm having a party and will look forward to putting out some rewards and coming up with some kind of fun goal other than just breaking even.

You can also find me at https://instagram.com/chaotic.organized on Instagram and http://chaoticorganized.com for more executive dysfunction tips and commiseration.

---

Music

Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: 

Listen to the Power of Yet

Check out my Ko-Fi page! It's been redesigned and I'm posting so much over there as I work on moving to a new website. I'm hosting challenges, posting previews for blog posts in progress, and of course uploading the video versions of this podcast right here. And the challenges are entirely free for anyone following along while they're currently active! 

I also have new membership options. The natural 20 membership is ridiculous and includes the entire roleplanning system catalog, plus ongoing membership in the Quest for Chaos with weekly small-group sessions, plus a private podcast, plus a ton of other stuff. The natural 1 membership is for normal people and only costs $1 a month, but still unlocks every single post that you can only get otherwise with a minimum of a $3 donation, including video episodes of the podcast. And all monthly subscribers at either level will get a shoutout at the end of each episode of Ex-Gifted! 

My current goal is to reach a lofty $120 in a single month. This is approximately my monthly budget for podcast hosting, web hosting, email service, and all those other little things that add up. Once I reach that point - I'm having a party and will look forward to putting out some rewards and coming up with some kind of fun goal other than just breaking even. 

Find me at https://chaoticorganized.com or at https://instagram.com/chaotic.organized for more executive dysfunction tips and commiseration. 

Music

Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Problem?

Topic: You have a fixed mindset or a limiting belief in at least one area.

What can we do about it?

Just add “yet”

Appending the word “yet” to the end of your limiting beliefs takes a limitation you identify with, and puts the tiniest pit of space between you and it. It provides just a sliver of an opening that, with more work, can be the key to unlocking that door.

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were placed on pedestals and alienated from our peers.

Ex-Gifted will cover failure, procrastination, imposter syndrome, and chronic anxiety and depression, and a whole lot more.

Each episode also offers suggestions to deal with your executive dysfunction in adulthood so you can rebuild the systems that allowed you to shine so brightly in childhood.

We’re making exceptional children into functional adults.

Thanks!

Get the Roleplanning System at ko-fi.com/reneliza/shop in order to get help defining your values and then actually living up to them. 3 months of support in the Quest for Chaos is included. Use code DORMANT for 15% off.

All monthly donors will get a shout-out at the end of each podcast episode!

Find me at Exgifted.com or Instagram @exgiftedcast

Also, check out @chaotic.organized on Instagram and chaoticorganized.com for more executive dysfunction tips and commiseration. 

Music

 Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

 Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Problem?

Topic: Who are you?

Identity is a deeply complicated topic, and who you are is further complicated through the process of growth. Many people want to fix themselves while others just want to be true to themselves, without even knowing what that means or how to do it. Can you be true to yourself if you don’t always say what you think out of fear of hurting someone? What about the parts of yourself you don’t like? Should you learn to like them, or learn to change them? Or just keep on hating yourself and wish you were different?

What can we do about it?

• Choose who you want to be, intentionally
• Be that person
• If that sounds hard, then join the Quest for chaos at https://ko-fi.com/s/3d3ac346fe 

We are defined not by any one moment in time, but our path over a lifetime. This means you can be whoever you want, by taking your chosen path. If you don’t choose, that is itself a choice to continue on whatever is in front of you at the moment, and it might mean going in circles.

Join me again in two weeks for the next Ex-Gifted.

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

 Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were placed on pedestals and alienated from our peers.

 Ex-Gifted will cover failure, procrastination, imposter syndrome, and chronic anxiety and depression, and a whole lot more.

 Each episode also offers suggestions to deal with your executive dysfunction in adulthood so you can rebuild the systems that allowed you to shine so brightly in childhood.

 We’re making exceptional children into functional adults.

Thanks!

Support the show (https://ko-fi.com/reneliza)

Get the Roleplanning System at ko-fi.com/reneliza/shop

Use code DORMANT for a 15% discount through the end of 2021

All monthly donors will get a shout-out at the end of each podcast episode!

Find me at Exgifted.com or Instagram

Also, check out @chaotic.organized on Instagram and chaoticorganized.com for more executive dysfunction tips and commiseration. 

Music

 Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

 Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Problem?

Topic: We have a tendency to always want to be growing and improving, but that pace leads to burnout.

What can we do about it?

• Take a break every couple of months or when we reach a major milestone to rest and reflect on our priorities
• Add downtime to our schedules every day
• Schedule our sleeping hours

Join me again in two weeks for the next Ex-Gifted.

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

 Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were placed on pedestals and alienated from our peers.

 Ex-Gifted will cover failure, procrastination, imposter syndrome, and chronic anxiety and depression, and a whole lot more.

 Each episode also offers suggestions to deal with your executive dysfunction in adulthood so you can rebuild the systems that allowed you to shine so brightly in childhood.

 We’re making exceptional children into functional adults.

Thanks!

Support the show (https://ko-fi.com/reneliza)

Insight Timer

References:

https://www.brown.edu/research/labs/britton/research/varieties-contemplative-experience

https://www.pacesconnection.com/blog/meditation-may-aggravate-trauma-mindful-action-is-a-better-alternative

https://journals.aom.org/doi/full/10.5465/amd.2017.0033 “individuals with a high learning goal orientation (LGO), high need for cognition (NOC), high openness to experience, and high internal locus of control (LOC) showed a significant increase in creativity when feeling bored” (sound like anyone you know?)

Donate at ko-fi.com/reneliza

All monthly donors will get a shout-out at the end of each podcast episode!

Find me at Exgifted.com or Instagram

Also, check out @chaotic.organized on Instagram and chaoticorganized.com for more executive dysfunction tips and commiseration. 

Music

 Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

 Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Problem?

Topic: A mind that is too loud to enjoy meditation

For ADHDers and the rest of my chaos-brain friends, when the world gets quiet is usually when our brains get loudest. There is no greater distraction than my own brain when nothing else is going on.

What can we do about it?

If you’ve always wished that meditation could work for you, there are plenty of alternatives to the stereotypical sit-in-silence type portrayed in popular culture. Some of them are probably things that you already do without even realizing.

• Guided Meditation
• Walking Meditation
• Focused or mindful journaling
• Focused or mindful action

Join me again in two weeks for the next Ex-Gifted.

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

 Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were placed on pedestals and alienated from our peers.

 Ex-Gifted will cover failure, procrastination, imposter syndrome, and chronic anxiety...

Preorder the Roleplanning System and enroll in the Quest for Chaos!

Get Labyrinthos and get started with tarot for free!

Some witchy accounts to follow on YouTube:

Kelly-Ann Maddox

The Witches’ Cookery 

Rachael Stephen

The Witch of Wonderlust

But exactly who you want to follow will depend on what you want to learn! My list has an obvious European bent due to that being my focus. If you have witchy friends, ask them for resources!

Find me at Exgifted.com or Instagram

Also, check out @chaotic.organized on Instagram and chaoticorganized.com for more executive dysfunction tips and commiseration. 

Music

 Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

 Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Problem?

Topic: A lifetime of distancing yourself from anything that doesn’t make immediate logical sense, separating you not only from spirit and magic, but your own emotions as well. You want to open yourself up to new beliefs but aren’t sure where to start.

What can we do about it?

• Replace skepticism with curiosity. 
• Research areas of magic that are interesting to you. 
• Try tarot cards as a sort of magic for beginners. (It’s a minute to learn but a lifetime to master!)

Join me again in two weeks for the next Ex-Gifted to talk more about growth mindset.

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

 Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were placed on pedestals and alienated from our peers.

 Ex-Gifted will cover failure, procrastination, imposter syndrome, and chronic anxiety and depression, and a whole lot more.

 Each episode also offers suggestions to deal with your executive dysfunction in adulthood so you can rebuild the systems that allowed you to shine so brightly in childhood.

 We’re making exceptional children into functional adults.

Thanks!

Support the show...

Download the thought ladder at exgifted.com/thoughts

Find the Unfuck Your Brain podcast by Kara Lowenthiel at unfuckyourbrain.com or anywhere you listen to podcasts.

Get video versions of this podcast from ko-fi.com/reneliza. Video episodes are free through the next episode, and then will be available to all donors for the month starting in  November 2021. Donors also get a shout out at the end of every episode!

Find me at Exgifted.com or Instagram

Also, check out @chaotic.organized on Instagram and chaoticorganized.com for more executive dysfunction tips and commiseration. 

Music

 Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

 Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Problem?

Topic: Growth mindset is bullshit

When you’ve been raised with a fixed mindset, it can seem like there’s no way for you to develop a growth mindset without already having one.

What can we do about it?

• Look for evidence: Find areas where you already have a growth mindset, no matter how small. Find areas in your life where you’ve shown growth, no matter how small.
• Don’t just wait for the evidence to mount. Use a thought ladder to address your thoughts directly, by gently working from an unhelpful thought to a helpful one.

Join me again in two weeks for the next Ex-Gifted when I'm going to talk about how to develop a growth mindset for the unexplainable.

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast from Chaotic Organized:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

 Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were placed on pedestals and alienated from our peers.

 Ex-Gifted will cover failure, procrastination, imposter syndrome, and chronic anxiety and depression, and a whole lot more.

 Each episode also offers suggestions to deal with your executive dysfunction in adulthood so you can rebuild the systems that allowed you to shine so brightly in childhood.

 We’re making exceptional children into functional adults.

Thanks!

Support the show (https://ko-fi.com/reneliza)

Find me at Exgifted.com or Instagram

Visit my Ko-Fi page to see the video version of this episode - and all the episodes for October 2021 for free! Starting November 2021 the video versions will be available for anyone who throws $3 into the tip jar for the month, and will include shout-outs to all those supporters as well!

Music:

Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

 Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were placed on pedestals and alienated from our peers.

 Ex-Gifted will cover failure, procrastination, imposter syndrome, and chronic anxiety and depression, and a whole lot more.

 Each episode also offers suggestions to deal with your executive dysfunction in adulthood so you can rebuild the systems that allowed you to shine so brightly in childhood.

 We’re making exceptional children into functional adults.

Thanks!

Support the show (https://ko-fi.com/reneliza)

Watch the video at https://ko-fi.com/reneliza

Try out the Roleplanning System at https://exgifted.com/roleplan

Season 2 of Ex-Gifted will begin on Friday October 1st and it will include VIDEO for all my current Ko-Fi supporters (including monthly subscribers and anyone else who has donated in the last month) Get a taste for free right here as I test out my new setup and rather obviously read from a script lol

In the meantime get to exgifted.com/roleplan ASAP and sign up to test the Roleplanning Journal for FREE before I send out character creation worksheets which is happening in just the next few days. 

The worksheet is the first step in the Roleplanning System and it takes ideas from D&D character creation as well as character design advice from authors. 

Even if you’re not in the market for a planner, sign up just to use the worksheet to fully flesh out your RPG characters. 

I can’t wait to talk to all y’all again soon. Come back and see me October 1! 

Support the show (https://ko-fi.com/reneliza)

Clip-on book light

Waterproof Notebook

Trello: A digital tool for organizing your thoughts

Learn More:

Thought Ladder

Morning Pages

Donate $3 to help support the show at ko-fi.com/reneliza

All monthly donors will get a shout-out at the end of each podcast episode!

Find me at Exgifted.com or Instagram

Music

Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

PROBLEM?

Topic:

Your mind is possibly the most important thing you can get organized, and it so rarely comes up - even for people with executive dysfunction, but think about it - your world is basically what’s inside your head (your ideas), what’s outside your head (your environment and belongings), and the interaction between those two things (your actions and how you spend your time). All of those things can and should be kept more organized if you want to achieve your goals.

Idea management is especially important to people like us who have a million ideas that we want to be able to save to contemplate later. Here are some ways to save your working memory for the things that matter.

What can we do about it?

1. Throw out the thoughts that don’t spark joy.

2. Write. Shit. Down.

3. Always have a way to take notes.

4. Mind management is self-care.

5. Make time for your mind.

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

 Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were placed on pedestals and alienated from our peers.

 Ex-Gifted will cover failure, procrastination, imposter syndrome, and chronic anxiety and depression, and a whole lot more.

 Each episode also offers suggestions to deal with your executive dysfunction in adulthood so you can rebuild the systems that allowed you to shine so brightly in childhood.

 We’re making exceptional children into functional adults.

Thanks!

Hit the subscribe button to join me again for season 2 of Ex-Gifted!

Planner: The Kokuyo Jibun Techo isn’t widely available at the time of publishing in late-July, but this academic planner has a similar hourly layout for the week!

Smart watch: I use a Fitbit Versa 2, but there are many affordable options!

Visual Timer: This is the one I use, but there’s a wide selection available.

Dry Erase planner: I have this calendar but this also looks great

Check out my Ultimate Guide to Time Management, or sign up for my newsletter and a 5 day time management course. 

Sign up to test the Roleplanning Game for free and get started being the (dungeon) master of your own time!

Donate $3 to support the show at ko-fi.com/reneliza

All monthly donors will get a shout-out at the end of each podcast episode!

Music

Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Topic:

Hours and days pass you by without even noticing. You're not always aware of the passage of time, you're never sure about what you want to do or when. Building a flexible time management system can actually help give you more time to reach your goals and do the things you love.

For many of us, the issue of time management is a non-starter, because we have a poor sense of time in the first place. 

If you do not have a good concept of time. How can you possibly even begin to manage it? There's basically two parts to this. You work to develop at least a little bit of a sense of time and at the same time you go forward with what you have, allowing technology to help you keep track of time when it eludes you.

What can we do about it?

1. Start small, and start foundational. Use habit stacking. 

2. Use tools to outsource your time sense

3. Use timers to keep track of the passage of time

4. Try thinking about your time over a week, instead of a day. 

5. These systems are not fixed

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

 Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were placed on pedestals and alienated from...

Take the Clutterbug Quiz

Tools:

If you make a purchase through the links below I may be compensated at no cost to you. Thanks!

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up

Tile Mate digital tag

You can also support the show by donating at ko-fi.com/reneliza

All monthly donors will get a shout-out at the end of each podcast episode!

Sign up to test the all-new Roleplanning Game for free at exgifted.com/roleplan before it comes out and learn how to level up in real life!

Find me at Exgifted.com or Instagram or email Ren@exgifted.com

On Instagram, use the hashtag #30toClean and tag @exgiftedcast or @nerdish_mom for a downloadable prize to help keep your home tidy.

Music

 Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

 Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

PROBLEM?

Topic: Organizing your stuff

Without the help of your parents or your school, you have to build the structures to hold your life together on your own. Here’s some guiding principles when it comes to keeping your environment organized in a way that works for you.

What can you do about it?

1. Have less stuff - but only to the extent that it makes you happy

2. Use a system that allows you to clean up FAST

3. Have ONE happy place that stays clean in the way you want it. 

4. Create some kind of prep zone that allows you to get out the door without stress.

5. When making your system, think about what things you want visible, and what you want hidden

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

 Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were placed on pedestals and alienated from our peers.

 Ex-Gifted will cover failure, procrastination, imposter syndrome, and chronic anxiety and depression, and a whole lot more.

 Each episode also offers suggestions to deal with your executive dysfunction in adulthood so you can rebuild the systems that allowed you to shine so brightly in childhood.

 We’re making exceptional children into functional adults.

Thanks!

Join me again for the next Ex-Gifted in

Sign up to test the Roleplanning Game for free at exgifted.com/roleplan 

Donate at ko-fi.com/reneliza

All monthly donors will get a shout-out at the end of each podcast episode!

Find me at Exgifted.com or Instagram

Also, check out @nerdish_mom on Instagram and nerdishmom.com for more executive dysfunction tips and commiseration. 

References:

1. r/Gifted: https://www.reddit.com/r/Gifted/
2. Gro-Gifted: Giftedness research
3. Misperceptions about Giftedness
4. Learning disabilities in adolescents with high IQ scores. H C Faigel. J Dev Behav Pediatr. 1983 Mar;4(1):11-5. 
5. Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children
6. Updated: Jan 10, 2019
7. By James T. Webb, Edward R. Amend, Nadia E. Webb, Jean Goerss, Paul Beljan, & F. Richard Olenchak.
8. Innate Talents: Reality or Myth?:  M J Howe, J W Davidson, J A Sloboda. Behav Brain Sci. 1998 Jun; 21(3):399-407; discussion 407-42. 
9. Domestic Blisters on TikTok
10. The Mini ADHD Coach on Instagram

Music

 Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

 Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

PROBLEM?

Topic: Twice exceptional - what if there’s more overlap between giftedness and disability than we thought?

2E or twice exceptional refers to kids who are both gifted and disabled in some way.

I offer the possibility that for gifted kids, being neurodivergent is not the exception, but the rule, and that giftedness as a trait might actually be a manifestation of its own neurodivergence.

What can we do about it?

• Research the claim that giftedness is neurodivergence and what support needs gifted kids have
• Restructure education to offer more support to non-gifted kids in academics, and more support to gifted kids in social and life skills
• Develop our own systems and structures to fill in the gaps we each have...

Donate at ko-fi.com/reneliza

All monthly donors will get a shout-out at the end of each podcast episode!

Sign up to be a tester for the brand new Roleplanning Game at exgifted.com/roleplan

Find me at Exgifted.com or Instagram

Music

Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

PROBLEM?

Inferiority & Superiority:

Because we struggle to fit in during our early years, we start to feel lesser than our peers, then when we also have a hard time with personal or professional success in adulthood it becomes even stronger.

At the same time, we are repeatedly told that we are special and smarter than the other kids around us, so we start judging others against our own intelligence, which reinforces our idea that the judgments we make against ourselves are valid as well.

What can we do about it?

• Intelligence is not a moral virtue
• Challenge the idea that we need to judge ourselves against others, either positive or negative
• Accept that all humans have value simply by virtue of being human. You are no better, but also no worse than anyone else in your self worth

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

 Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were placed on pedestals and alienated from our peers.

 Ex-Gifted will cover failure, procrastination, imposter syndrome, and chronic anxiety and depression, and a whole lot more.

 Each episode also offers suggestions to deal with your executive dysfunction in adulthood so you can rebuild the systems that allowed you to shine so brightly in childhood.

 We’re making exceptional children into functional adults.

Thanks!

Join me again on July 2nd for the next Ex-Gifted to learn if you might be twice exceptional. 

Support the show (https://ko-fi.com/reneliza)

HuffPo Quit. Go ahead. It’s okay.

NYT Sometimes You Have to Quit to Get Ahead

Forbes When It’s Okay to Quit (psst Forbes, it’s always okay, even when it’s done for the ““wrong”” reasons)

Find me at Exgifted.com or Instagram @exgiftedcast

Music

 Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

 Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Problem?

Perfectionism:

Perseverance is morally neutral

BUT - some things are worth the effort

Gifted kids often end up on one extreme - quitting everything or being terrified to quit anything. 

And ridiculously high expectations don’t help, they just add to the stress. 

What can we do about it?

• The trick is to quit the things that are just taking up your time without adding to your life in a way that’s meaningful to you, while committing to the things that really matter to you, even when they’re hard.
• We don’t need to become better versions of ourselves, and perseverance won’t do that anyway because it’s morally neutral.
• 
  
• We just need to become versions of ourselves who spend time and effort on the things that matter to us while maintaining the mental space to enjoy those things.
• 
  
• How to quit
• 1. Make a list of the things you are going to absolutely commit to doing, starting (or continuing) right now
• 2. Review the list regularly and recommit to every item on it.
• 3. If there is an item you don’t want to recommit to, answer the question “What changed?” in detail. Make sure your brain isn’t trying to talk you out of something you still care about.
• 4. If you want to put off something on the list, stand up, go to the mirror, and as yourself why. Once you stand up it’s usually easier to just do the thing anyway!
• 
  
• Don’t even worry about “quitting” things that aren’t on the list because you never even committed to them. Not everything is do-or-do-not level of importance.
• 
  

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

 Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were placed on pedestals and alienated from our peers.

 Ex-Gifted will cover failure, procrastination, imposter syndrome, and chronic anxiety and depression, and a whole lot more.

 Each episode also offers suggestions to deal with your executive dysfunction in adulthood so you can rebuild the systems that allowed you to shine so brightly in...

Follow me on Instagram @exgiftedcast!

Problem:

Why do perfectionism and procrastination often go hand in hand, especially in Ex-gifted types?

Perfectionism is so misunderstood. 

People think that perfectionism means you always put a lot of effort into everything

We think of perfectionists as these type A folks with unlimited energy who live the beautiful lives we see on Pinterest and Instagram, with perfect homes, perfect jobs, perfect kids, even perfect pets.

Most of us would laugh if you called us perfectionist.

That's obviously not perfectionism. Right? 

Perfectionism does not mean that you're perfect or that you do everything perfectly. 

Perfectionism is not a state of your life, it's a state of your mind. 

Gifted kids often think that if you’re going to put in the effort that you need to do it flawlessly.

Procrastination can stem from a fear that you won’t do something well enough or the thought that you don’t have time yet to put in the effort needed to do it well enough

Perfectionism can look like: 

• putting things off to the last minute. 
• half assing things to protect our egos
• Editing, editing, erasing, rewriting, then shelving indefinitely
• paralysis - just not doing anything at all
• 
  
• I quit art altogether for 25 years after getting a B on a midterm report card in third grade. Because I had one setback, I chose to do nothing rather than learn and improve

You can have high standards without the fear that comes from perfectionism

How to solve: 

Intentionally practice imperfection. Allow yourself to do things well enough. Even allow yourself to do things badly.

Let people see your mediocrity and let people see your failures. Don’t just sit in shame.

What you see as imperfect, others may see as gorgeous.

Make bad art, play bad music, do things badly. 

As they say, anything worth doing in life is worth doing poorly. 

Let people see your mistakes. Let people see your flaws. Let people see you. 

The next Ex-Gifted is May 28th about the difference between quitting and running away.

The Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were placed on pedestals and alienated from our peers.

Ex-Gifted will cover failure, procrastination, imposter syndrome, and chronic anxiety and depression, and a whole lot more.

Each episode also offers suggestions to deal with your executive dysfunction in adulthood so you can rebuild the systems that allowed you to shine so brightly in childhood.

We’re making exceptional children into functional adults.

Support the show (https://ko-fi.com/reneliza)

The Autofocus System

Updated Autofocus System with lots of discussion

Find me at Exgifted.com or Instagram

Join in on #30toClean and tag @exgiftedcast or @nerdish_mom and all participants will get a downloadable prize of some sort. 

Music

 Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

 Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Procrastination is pretty foundational for Ex-Gifted types. It’s one of the things that make us who we are.

What if instead of trying to “stop procrastinating” which has never worked in the past, we started making procrastination work for us?

Gifted kids learn the exact possible last moment to start working on an assignment, but as we often end up excelling despite barely putting in any effort, we learn that it’s safe to put in even less effort and we often start missing deadlines altogether.

But what can we do about it when we just can’t drum up the motivation or the willpower?

How can we make procrastination work for us?

I love to use the autofocus productivity method in order to procrastinate on other tasks I’ve already deemed worthy of my time.

Autofocus uses a master to-do list. When you’re ready to get to work, you look over the list and instead of trying to prioritize based on importance, you just work on whatever motivates you at the time.

This allows us to skip the time we’d usually spend on prioritization, and at the same time it utilizes and encourages our internal motivation which is crucial for adults with executive dysfunction.

You might be afraid that you’ll put off the most important tasks - and you might be right - but the important thing to remember is that you’re already doing that. Otherwise you don’t need any help overcoming procrastination. 

The idea here is that we spend the time we’d otherwise be wasting away wishing we could be motivated to work on the right thing, working on something else valuable, even if it isn’t the exact right thing.

Support the show (https://ko-fi.com/reneliza)

Find me at Exgifted.com or Instagram

Join in on #30toClean and tag @exgiftedcast or @nerdish_mom and all participants will get a downloadable prize of some sort. 

Music

Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Adulting is hard:

* As a kid your only jobs are good grades and interact with humans

* Even for chores, you’re given plenty of external motivation

* But as an adult all we have is natural consequences and that motivation is pretty spotty

* So it feels really hard to do adult things like maintaining a minimum baseline cleanliness of your home

* A lot of that difficulty is in our heads. The actual work required in real life isn’t excessive once you have reasonable expectations. 

* Time yourself to see how much time your regular tasks really take. Show yourself how doable it can be. 

* The most important things to keep up with regularly are dishes and laundry

* As long as you have a method, keeping up with these tasks can be totally manageable

If your washing machine can delay start:

1. Set a timer
2. Process dishes: load or unload the dishes, whatever you have to do 

• until you reach the end or you have about 3 minutes left on the timer 
• if there are dishes left, that’s okay because you’ll get to them tomorrow

1. Go to the laundry and load the washing machine, but delay start until the next day
2.  

• The next day when you come to the laundry room, your laundry will be freshly washed
• Move them to the dryer and reload, again delaying until the next day
• Put your dry clothes into a basket and here’s a secret: Folding or hanging is optional. 
• This means you only have to remember laundry once per day, not two or three times.

If your washing machine doesn’t have a delay start:

1. Start with your laundry doing a quick wash.
2. Set a timer for however long your quick wash takes and wash your dishes first.
3. Keep yourself occupied on cleaning tasks until the timer goes off
4. Move your clothes straight from the washing machine to the dryer. 

• This way the idea is that you never really switch out of that cleaning mindset. You're staying in that cleaning zone the entire time until the clothes get into the dryer and that can help by avoiding the transitions of going from cleaning to not cleaning and then trying to remember to go back to cleaning. That's where we get hung up. 

Putting away: when you take your stuff out of the dryer, put into a basket and consider that maybe that’s “away” enough. It’s an intentional laundry pile. Let go of the shame but keep the pile. 

Sorting: If you keep a...

In this episode: Find Ryan O’Connell at How-to-ADU.com or Facebook

Music: Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

What does it mean to try?

“Do or do not. There is no try.” 

Do you agree with it? What does Yoda even mean? 

M-W.com defines “try” as “to make an attempt” but some people emphasize the “make” while some people emphasize the “attempt.” Most of us actually use it both ways.

From the time I was a child well into my 30s, I always expected to succeed on my first attempt. If I failed I wasn't good at it, and therefore I shouldn't do it. I should just leave those things to the people who are naturally good at it. 

“There is no try” doesn't mean do effortlessly or don't bother. It means commit to what you are doing and do not hedge your bets. It means focused action. Do and then keep doing. And it means having faith in yourself and what you can do. Knowing the unknowable when it comes to your own abilities.

Focused action: There are only two options: you can do or do not. If you do, you might fail a lot. You just take that to mean that you haven't done it yet. 

You can also “do not” and still have success by being good at things “without trying”. I stopped putting effort even into things that came easily to me because “a smart person wouldn't have to try” and when being smart is 90% of your identity…? When I failed, I could always say, “Well, that's OK, 'cause I didn't really try.”  

What can we do about it?

Commit to something you’re not good at. Committing to fail isn’t good enough because you’ll half-ass failing and pretend that counts. Take repeated focused action and commit to a goal that's meaningful and terrifying . You will probably fail along the way. And it will hurt! That means you’re going the right way! This momentary failure IS NOT overall failure. Let it hurt and then keep doing. And believe in yourself. Whether you have any reason to or not. 

Thank you to Ryan O'Connell, who finally sat me down and made me watch the original trilogy. I hope you enjoy this late April Fools Day present! For anyone in California that's looking to make some money and also help with the housing crisis, check him out at How-to-ADU

Join me in two weeks for the next Ex-Gifted to talk about Adulting.

About the podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.  I talk about gifted kid burnout, and the damage it causes: battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were placed on pedestals and alienated from our peers. I will cover failure, procrastination, imposter syndrome, and chronic anxiety and depression, and a whole lot more. I will also offer suggestions to deal with your executive dysfunction in adulthood so you can rebuild the systems that allowed you to shine so brightly in childhood. Ex-Gifted: making exceptional children into functional adults.

Find a new episode of Ex-Gifted every other Friday at Exgifted.com or

Find a new episode of Ex-Gifted every other Friday at exgifted.com or wherever podcasts are served, and follow the show on Instagram @exgiftedcast

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